The Liquid Diet

Well its blog 33 and I don’t really have a lot to blog about given that my leg injury is stopping me from doing any exercise and the MS150 is but a distant memory that on an occasion can still bring a wee smile to a sad lonely woman’s face. Oh bloody hell shut up and get on with it… Oh sorry right then. What to write until normal training services resume?

I will tell you about some of the stuff that has happened this week. I think I should start way back at last Friday morning so I go to weight watchers and weigh in and right before my eyes I look at the scales and what do I see - 199.00 lbs.! Hooray I’m no longer a 200 pound woman. I’m hi fiving people and smiling like a Cheshire cat. I’m happy, happy ,happy . I even call Smug Git up and shout down the phone ”Your wife is no longer a 200 lbs. woman!” Ok so I got a bit carried away after all I am only 199 still hang in there with me just give me my moment please because believe me a moment was all I had. After Weight Watchers  I then met the girls for lunch and after that it all goes downhill. However at the restaurant I was very good and righteous, giving out little tit bits of diet advice (oh look at me talking shite again). We eventually left the restaurant and I went back to Amanda’s for a few drinks.  4 hours later and 1 or 4 or 5 drinks later I have the munchies and I feel a binge coming on. I start with some Lays BBQ chips but very quickly they are grabbed away from me and some baby carrot are out in their place. What the hell just happened but you know what I don’t care. I’ll eat those carrots as long as I’m crunching something till dinner is ready I’m good.  And what pray tell was for dinner? What culinary delight had the lovely Amanda slaved over all day? Fish and chips! Oh I know, you are now all a little jealous aren’t you?   Well I wouldn’t be too jealous as it turns out it was more like fish and carbon as she burnt the chips. But I was so hungry I just put them between two slices of bread and smothered them in ketchup and viola saved the dinner yum! But after that I had eaten so much I had to go home and lie down.  When I got up the next morning my stomach still hurt I’m sure it was all the carrots I ate. I’m never eating them again.

Saturday morning I’ve decided not to weigh myself as I’m no longer a 200 pound woman so I don’t need to do that anymore (more like if I do weigh myself I’ll be more than a 200 pounder) so we are not going there.  I decide I’m going to have a good day and stick to my points. I have a very healthy 5 point breakfast and pat myself on the back.  Later in the morning I have to go run some errands and since I’m sticking to my points I think I should eat some lunch at home before we go out and save us from temptation - Amen.  It’s all working out perfectly till we go to wine styles and they offer us a taste of wine. Well you know it’s just plain rude to say no, so we enjoy the wine and decide that maybe we should just have one more glass but as luck would have it (bad luck)the computer system in the shop went down and the guy for some weird reason could not pull himself away from the computer to sell us wine so we left. Smug Git took one look at my face with its big petted lip on and suggested we go to Brix another nice wine bar close by, petted lip off, smile on, happy Izzi.  But wait disaster happened! We get to Brix and it’s bloody shut! What the hell kind of wine bar shuts on a Saturday afternoon? Is this a Texas law I don’t know about? Smug Git to the rescue though he rapidly grabs my hand walks me over to a vacant table in the tapas bar next door and gets me a drinks menu then proceeds to order me one dirty martini. What a nice man. The food menu was on the table so I thought I would have a wee look. What? I’m just looking I’m not ordering anything I’ve just had my healthy lunch oh but the menu looks good and tapas is just small portions what harm could it do if we just has a wee sample plate of cheese? I think that would be ok, I’ll count it in later. The waiter comes over and I’ll have another martini and a cheese plate and the shrimp in garlic and olive oil. Ok ok I know what you’re all thinking but olive oil is healthy. Well the food was delish! Ate every bit of it and then went off to the movies. Never really got any of the errands done but there’s always tomorrow! Later that evening what would you know I’m feeling a tad peckish again so what do we eat?  Burgers and chips followed by lashings of ice cream and chocolate. Day 2 of diet gone to hell. Oh god and I forgot tomorrow is mother’s day.

Mother’s day went off without a hitch. No sons to be seen all day and no messing up with the diet. The rest of the week went ok but I ended it with a weight gain although I’m not quite sure how much because I’ve not mustered up the courage to weigh myself so in my mind I’m still 199 pounds maybe I’ll just stay that weight forever.

Next week I’ll tell you all about my blind date!

Ride and Glide!

It’s Saturday at 4:00 I’ve just got in from riding my bike only 15 miles today because of the weather and I’ve just scoffed down two homemade spicy Italian sausage rolls OMG! They were delicious and now I have an ice cold beer. Could things get any better than this? Oh I just remembered I had to take an anti-inflammatory since I have a groin strain so I’m thinking I’d better not have a bath before I go out tonight!

I know, I know - you’re all thinking I’m horrible and I’ll go straight to hell but never mind I’ll be in good company.

Ok enough of that nonsense, what has gone on this week? I’ve been off on holiday for half term at school and the plans I had for the week were lots of bike riding, reading, a few chores round the house. Just all in all a relaxing week. What did I do this week? Well none of the above, I mostly just ate whatever I fancied in large amounts and drank copious amounts of alcohol. I don’t think there was a day that I stuck to my weight watchers or a day that I did not drink some alcoholic beverage, Oh wait! Thursday - I was good on Thursday.

A few other things happened this week. On Monday I had to go to the opticians and after a thorough eye examination she told me I had brain damage. Now I know y’all are thinking she did not tell you that but she did. ok let me explain and then you decide. Just so you know I don’t have good vision in my right eye, so she dilates the eye has a look and says she thinks there may have been some damage to the optic nerve between the eye and the brain.

Me “Are you saying I have brain damage?”

Doc “Well it’s kinda like that” (you don’t really want to hear the whole explanation)

Me “Thanks doc that explains a lot” She just laughs.

There you go brain damage but it makes perfect sense because really you need to be a little brain damaged to do this ride. Right?

But wait till I tell you what we did after we left the opticians, you’ll not believe this we joined a bike riding club. I know me a member of a bike riding club! It’s called northwest cyclists I’m so excited I’m in a club. I’m not sure northwest cyclists know what they have let themselves in for but I can’t wait to join them especially after the MS150.

Tuesday Valentine’s day possibly the best day of the year, if of course you’re in a relationship not so much if your not. I’m sure y’all got wonderfully romantic gifts from your loved ones. If I asked you to guess what I got you’d never in a million years guess. But in order for y’all to understand the sheer magnitude of what I got I’ll have to do a little back story I’m sure I have y’all intrigued now so you’re going to read on.

When I’ve completed a ride, especially long rides my friends and family always ask me, how is your butt? I always have the same answer my butt is fine it does not hurt at all however and here is where it gets a bit embarrassing (please don’t let your children read this) my va-jay-jay hurts like hell. I’ve tried everything to help, I don’t really want to tell you exactly what I’ve done it might put you off your dinner but needless to say I’ve tried a few things. Back to Valentine’s Day Smug Git buys me Hoo Ha Ride Glide apparently formulated by woman for woman. Seriously that’s what I got! Oh and it comes in a handy dandy handbag size, and I have lots of it so if any of my girls out there are having any embarrassing problems with their hoo ha’s SG has it covered, literally!

What makes this even funnier is later that evening I texted my friend Amanda and told her what SG had got me but unbeknown to me she was driving and asked her 15 year old son to read out the text to her. "forgot to tell you what my man got me for valentine's Hoo Ha Ride Glide for the...eh!" and then his face went bright red "you'll have to read the rest" poor boy. So now I have to apoligize so sorry but don't worry I wont mention your name.

The rest of the week went ok I did go out with some of the girl for a birthday lunch and as always I was the only lush drinking dirty martini’s at 12 noon but hey I’m on holiday and they were delish but to be fair I’d just found out that the ride on Saturday was cancelled due to the storms so bottoms up!

As I said earlier I got 15 miles in on Saturday and I’m planning on going out this afternoon again just round the neighborhood but it is a lovely day so it should be a nice ride.

Serious Bit…

I apologize if this blog does not have much in it this week about riding but I’m afraid I’ve reverted back to the old Izzi eating and drinking anything I can get my hands on. You know something, diet and exercise was not this hard over the Thanksgiving and Christmas period and I know it’s harder to get back in control so here is my promise to y’all as from this moment I’m back on plan I’ll track my points, weigh in next Thursday (no matter how bad it might be) and back on the bike every morning and for good measure I’ll throw in a couple of afternoon bike rides. Then next week I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

Thanks for reading every week and I’ll see y’all next week!