Sunday, October 28, 2012


As you have gathered since I have not written anything for 3 weeks there’s not a lot going on in my house at the moment. Well there’s a lot of lying on the sofa and stuffing my fat face but besides that not a lot else.  So I've been struggling to think of something to blog about and I know I've spoken to friends who will tell me just write about anything “we’ll read it” and “it’ll be funny” oh and believe me when I tell you there are tons of stuff I’d love to write about but I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings or piss anyone off ranting about politics and anyway this blog was supposed to be about my failures and successes on my journey to better health. Well “how is that working out for you?” I can hear you all say and I‘d quickly answer y’all back as politely as I could and say “Fuck off its not” oh and I’m in one god awful foul mood today! (And the bloody mouse on this computer is not working properly Arrg!)

So why am I in a foul mood today? Well I take it you all remember the lite beer debacle?  The community service (done) alcohol awareness (1/2 done) but I’m not sure if I mentioned the court costs $450 (paid).  So all in all it’s on the way to being done and dusted all in the allotted time. Ok good let’s move on, put it behind us and let’s not drag it up ever again like good mothers do. (Yeah, but not sure I fit into that category so I’ll have to save that little chestnut for later). I know, I know, all you perfect mothers out there rolling your eyes. Stop rolling your eyes or I’m going to have to talk about something else that irritates the hell out of me – “Beg, Barter, Buy and sell” - This is our local community Facebook page that allows only people in our neighborhood  to list whatever shite they see fit to sell. Now don’t get me wrong sometimes there may be the occasional wee gem on there but a lot of the time it’s tat! Really, honestly - A 3 ringed binder for $3, leaf and tree cleaner $2 or how about some fake red apples a snip at $3.  I’m sure one night I saw left over spaghetti bolognaise from an absolutely delicious dinner, yours for $1.50 (no I’m just joking about that, that wasn't on there long I bought it yumm!)But seriously people could you just not ask your friends and give them away or better still donate it to a good cause there are tons of them out there. 

But I guess you’re still wondering why I’m in a bad mood and I haven’t really explained it I've just ranted on for a bit well here goes I don’t know if you remember or if you even know but Stupid son wanted a dog, this was way before litebeergate  and I was not one bit happy about it and tried all my powers of reasoning to talk him out of it. You know the usual, dogs are not just for Christmas blah, blah, blah, the cost, the vets, the where does he go when you’re not there. All the sensible stuff but Stupid arse in his wisdom spoke to his dad Stupid Arse mark 2 and off they duly trotted to the animal shelter to pick up a rescue dog (albeit a very cute dog) but a dog none the less. As you can imagine I was not happy and that day when Stupid Arse and the dug left for school I cried my eyes out. I did not cry when I took him to college and left him there but was sobbing when he went with that bloody dog.  Is school not hard enough without the added problems of a dog? Enough said. Oh and that’s still not the reason I’m in a foul mood. Well the dog has been there for, I would say close on 6 weeks now and Smug Git comes in and tells me that we have to go and withdraw $400 from our bank account for Stupid Arses apartment complex because he has a dug! Wait, What? We have to pay another $400 to the apartment? None of you two idiots thought to check the apartments out before you got the dug! Arrrrg! I really feel like I’m handcuffed to idiots! Where the hell is he going to find $400 dollars from? No! Wait! I take it all back… Does anyone want to buy my favorite Gin glass? Used often but with lots of love $400 obo!

Deep breath.

Rant over… And… Relax

Ok other news. I’m just going to ask the question - What’s wrong with a wee bit of alcohol at breakfast if it’s for medicinal purposes? That’d be ok right? I know, I know - Wrong! Well we found a new homeopathic remedy for my arthritis and it’s 9 gin soaked raisins a day. So basically you put the golden raisins (must be golden) in a bowl and cover them with gin. Leave them till all the gin has soaked in and eat 9 a day not 8 or 10 just 9. I’m not quite sure what will happen if you deviate from the amount but I’m sticking to the rules. So far if truth be told it’s not made a blind bit of difference but I do have a wee chuckle every time I eat them and they taste great. I think they’d be even better on your frosties.  
Sorry about all the moaning this week but check out the serious bit there might be a wee moan in there but read on…

Serious bit

10/11/12 was the first day to sign up to do the MS150 for 2013 and as I've always said last year was a huge achievement for me but I did sign up as a dare and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Now what to do about this year, I know what’s in front of me and how hard it was and how much of a cry baby bitch I was a lot of the time and how I've really not done a lot during the summer months. It was time to make up my mind. Do I go for it again? Or do I just check it off my bucket list as done and go back to the sofa? A huge part of me wants to do that because who likes hard work? And y’all know how hard it was for me and now knowing about the hills, the no alcohol, the early starts, no relaxing weekends (ok I need to stop here I’m totally talking myself out of this) but I’m really happy to say that I have signed up to do the 2013 MS150 from Houston to Austin on April 21 and 22.  So if any of you fancy a wee spin round the neighborhood PM me or call. I need all the help I can get!  Oh and now I should have more to blog about Yeah!

Thanks for reading see y’all next time,  love Iz

Here is my link if you’d like to help me reach my goal of $1000.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Book him Danno, murder one!

Well isn't technology a wonderful thing? I've just discovered how to write my blog while lying on the sofa. Oh the inactivity of it! I can feel the pounds returning as I type with my one finger (well it is hard to write while balancing the iPad on my left boob).

This week was a very interesting week. Before I tell you all about it I'll get the biking and diet bit out of the way, I promise it won't take long since I've done none of it, I've been on the bike twice in the last two weeks and I've eaten everything in my path that doesn't have a pulse. End of the healthy bit (told you it wouldn't take long).

Ok first things first I probably should not be writing this and I'm sure some of you will be horrified and some of you might judge me but hey what's new so here goes. I have to go back a few weeks to start.

A couple of Sunday mornings ago the phone rung at 9:30am and Greek Adonis (from this point on will be known as Stupid Son) tells Smug Git the night before he got caught outside with a beer and got a ticket for a MIP (for my international friends that's a Minor In Possession of alcohol) when I say alcohol it was a lite beer! I mean really if you’re going to be stupid enough to get a MIP could you at least make sure it's with a real beer and not the lite shite.  To be honest I don't know how y'all don't know about this because I'm sure that Sunday morning the whole of Texas could hear me shouting and screaming like a banshee. He then gets a court date of October 6th and I have to get a day off to go up with him because Smug Git is away and here's where it gets funny.

The first thing is he does not own a nice pair of pants or decent pair of dress shoes and I don't really want to spend money on buying him any so I look in his brothers closet and find everything I need however the shoes are a size 11 and SS is only a 9.5 but Smug Git who should now be known as Stupid Arse (ha funny like father like son) thinks he can just wear two pairs of sock and this will be fine.  I head off to Bryan Tx and I hate driving because I don't know where I'm going and we have a new car that I can't work but I have my sat/nav and I'm good to go. I head up the road with my music blaring, singing along and the album I'm listening to ends but I don't or rather can't change it because that would mean taking my hand off the steering wheel and not looking at the road. A no no for me so I have to spend the rest of the journey listening to Christmas music - oh and not just any old Christmas music – It’s Rascal Flats Christmas music! Well we are in Texas after all.

I arrive at SS's in plenty of time for his court appearance and give him the clothes and shoes. He takes one look at the shoes and starts to laugh.

SS "Are you serious? I can't wear those shoes"

Me "They'll be fine, just wear two pairs of socks"

SS "No way! I look like I have clown shoes on"

Me "Don't be so dramatic!"

But they did look like clown shoes and I was trying hard not to laugh but then he started laughing and lifted up his trouser leg to reveal about 2" between his heel and the heel of the shoe. Needless to say he did not wear the shoes.  We head off to court and SS is a bag of nerves. We get to the waiting room and I'm the only mother there. Not only that but I'm the only woman! It's all redneck teenagers with not a pair of pants or shoes between them it's all cowboy boots, shiny buckles and jeans. We then go into court and SS tells me not to say anything and of course having a last name that begins with W means I get to hear what everyone else is there for. It was better than reality TV! Well not quite, it was all bald tires and out of date inspection stickers but what was funny was every kid gave the same excuse.

Redneck kid "Uh I'd just moved here and forgot"

Judge "Is it fixed?"

Redneck "Yes sir"

Judge "Case dismissed!"

Somehow I don't think that'll happen when it's our turn!

Then this other kid goes up and SS tells me that he was drinking with him. However he got a ticket for MIC (Minor In Consumption of alcohol). So wait!! Now it all makes sense to me! SS was not drinking, he was just holding it for someone else (wink, wink). Right?
Outcome: SS gets 8 hours community service and has to attend two alcohol awareness programs and 3 month probation. If he completes all that then it will not go on his record (thank god) I asked him later "So what did you learn from this?" Answer:  Don't drink outside!!!!


Serious bit...

When does it get easier being a parent?