Sunday, December 25, 2011


Well hello and Merry Christmas! I’m so glad you managed to step away from all the chocolates, cookies, mince pies and Champagne for ten minutes but don’t worry I won’t keep you long. Today is the day I’m going to eat and drink whatever I like so I also don’t want to be away from the goodies too long. I’ve a feeling this day may not end too well I can already feel a wee virus coming on and it’s not even noon yet! Maybe later I’ll do a wee drunk blog. How funny would that be? Second thought maybe not!!!

Y’all know “a wee virus” is code in our house for a hangover right?

So last week was a bit of a tough week I was still working till Tuesday. I know, I know some people don’t get any holidays. I should be grateful I have a job but I’m knackered and I need a break! I finally get Monday and Tuesday out the way - Woo hoo! I’m on holiday but have shit loads to do plus I’m not actually sure how I’m going to cope with weight watchers when I’m at home all day because you know what it’s like all that yummy food everywhere and there’s that box of wine in the fridge that’s whispering at me every time I open the door “hello I’m here - just have a wee glass, I’m really chilled and delish… oh go on one glass will not kill you” ok I’m not looking in the fridge again. Well at least for 15 minutes I don’t know why I keep looking in the fridge anyway I’m like a moth to the flame. I just keep opening the door and looking in at all the good stuff and drooling I think it may be some form of self-torture. Please kill me now! If I don’t stop its 18 pounds here I come.

I have to keep myself busy, I know I’ll go out and finish my Christmas shopping. I don’t know if you know this about me but I hate shopping - I mean really hate it. I can do two shops then I’m done. If I push it - and I mean really push it I can do three, then I go all crazy bitch in a bad, bad mood and the only thing that gets me out the mood is food and wine. So I’ve decided before I go I’m just going to two shops. Smug Git has some shopping to do but it’s for my pressy so he’s going off on his own. I really only need to go to Barns and Noble but before I leave the house I realize I need some peppermint essence because I have a mountain of baking to do when I get back (of course I do! What else would someone on a diet need to do - duh?) So that’s William’s and Sonoma. Two shops. Easy. $250 later in Williams and Sonoma that’s the most expensive peppermint essence I’ve ever bought only to go home and find I already have some in the cupboard. Who found the one in the cupboard? Smug Git. Yes, I know I can hear y’all shouting his name at me and I know I was supposed to be Christmas shopping for other people but I hate shopping and that made it bearable and I have some lovely new dishes! Merry Christmas to me!!!

Back home and it’s not even lunch time yet on the first day of my holiday and another wee look in the fridge for something to eat for lunch. Wine is still there only this time whispering just a tad louder damn you wine I’m not giving in yet!

Did I tell you that SG bought me a trainer? I don’t think I did. Well for those of you who have no idea what that is let me explain it’s not a handsome buff guy to help me lose weight and get fit, no, no, no my luck is not that good. A trainer is a piece of equipment you use on your bike in the house (well my one is in front of the telly) to make your bike stationary so you can peddle your ass off whilst watching telly, awesome right? SG keeps trying to get me to go on it but I think I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eyes but I do know I’m going to have to use it at some point so I come up with what I think is the perfect idea. Tell me if I’m wrong. I’m going to bake my cookies and whenever a batch goes in the oven I’m going to get on the bike, come on that makes perfect sense yeah, no? Well no. The first batch only needs to cook for 6 to 8 minutes by the time I get on the bike it’s time to get off. Ok new plan I’ll start the bike thing tomorrow first thing 20 minutes. That’ll work I’m sure.

Good news, good news! Part way through my baking Lesley comes over, yay! Someone to taste test my cookies because that’s how good I’ve been – I’ve not even tasted one and they’re chocolate chip and mint my two favorite flavors together. But first things first...

Me “you want a cup of coffee?”

Lesley “no! I was thinking you’d offer me wine”

Me (with just a hint of excitement in my voice)” Wine, wine - I can do wine”

I go to the fridge throw open the door “hello my good friend the wine box” then pour two lovely glasses of nicely chilled wine yum! Well it is Christmas and you can’t let your best friend drink on her own it’d just be bad manners. Lucky for me just as I finish backing for the day another good friend Jan popped in and I get to have another wee glass of wine with her. I’m thinking that I really need to count the points for all this wine but I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

Thursday morning I get up really early in the morning and have a go on the trainer, now I really do wish it was a handsome buff guy! Twenty minutes seems like forever but I get it done and it’s back to the cookie making and no, no one came to visit and I had no wine. God I hate days like that I did however have a wee gin or two when I was delivering my cookies to all my friends so the day was not a complete loss. Later in the evening I went to the movies to see New Year’s Eve. Yeah don’t waste your money, let me just say just because there are a million stars in a movie does not make it a good movie AND I was sitting with all these boo hoo teary eyed women… Oh wait they were my friends!!

Ok on Friday morning I had to go shopping again! The first two shops were fine, not too busy, but then wait for it that dreaded third shop. I had to go grocery shopping and that was when all hell broke loose and I had a big argument with another irate shopper who was obviously bothered by my casual browsing (I had no idea Armageddon was coming on Sunday and groceries were a top priority). I was apparently holding up the other crazy shoppers and she felt the need to hurry me along! I think that may have back fired on her a bit when I chased her down the soup isle shouting at her that “excuse me usually works when you need someone to move and that she was rude and bad mannered” this was all very amusing to the other shoppers on the soup isle. I get the feeling she does not like shopping either! I know it’s only 10:30am but I could really go a wee glass of something - well it is Christmas - but Smug Git won’t let me because I have to go on the trainer first - arrg!

Weight Watchers! I know you are all hanging on my every word right? Yeah right! But I do know y’all want to know if cow face was there and… she was! Of course she was there the week I don’t lose any weight. I didn’t put any on so I’ll take that thank you very much. The class was empty with just the hard core fatties there. You should have seen her face when I walked through the door and her buddy wasn’t there so she had no back up (I did actually feel a tad bad for her) so as always I was my very sweet nice charming self. Actually when I look back on these blogs sometimes I’m not very nice but in my defense only when I’m provoked! Anyway I digress (oh that’s a big word) She was super sweet to me I was sweet to her a wee bit of a love fest going on here oh and I almost forgot the best news EVER I got a bravo sticker! I know, why did I get a bravo sticker? I’m not quite sure I answered a question about exercise but I think she would have given me a sticker just for turning up if she could.

So all in all not a too bad week did a fair amount of exercise and put on no weight now just one more week and I can put this bloody holiday season behind me and get back to the business of losing weight Yeah!!

Serious Bit….

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Good, bad and ugly

Well hello out there in blog land sorry I’m a wee bit late on writing this today but you know how it is at this time of the year, so much to do, so little time and to be perfectly honest with Y’all I really had to go out on my bike today because in case you forgot I have a bike ride to complete in the not too distant future. I have not been on the shiny new bike for a while and I knew if I didn’t go out today I would have put it off till after Christmas and God knows if I would have ever got back on it. Anyway I did get on it and managed to cycle for about an hour and a half and covered a distance of 16 miles so yeah for me!

So what to talk about? Well over the last week there really was only one thing on my mind - FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. I knew at the beginning of last week that it would be a tough week actually I know the next couple of weeks will be hard what with all the holiday parties then Christmas and New Year but I’m thinking one week at a time but at this point I’m just glad last week is gone.

Let’s start at the beginning of the week. After W/W I went home and at lunch time I stuffed my face. Basically if it couldn’t move fast enough - I ate it! Well later in the day I felt so sick I could hardly move and I had a night out. Help!

Got Saturday out the way and was straight back on W/W. By Sunday evening I was starting to panic, I hoped I had not put on all the weight I’d just lost and I knew we had teacher appreciation this week so because of this I thought I’d try and go to the gym after work a few nights to work off Saturday and help the rest of the week.

Why is it when you go to the gym the young skinny chick wants to get on the treadmill right next to you I mean really? I swear she’s doing it just to make me look even worse, she’s jogging away not even breaking a sweat and I’m walking, yes walking, and my face is like a beetroot, sweat lashing off me I look like I’ve been dragged through a bush backwards. Ok I’ve had enough of this I’m going on the stationary bike. I start peddling and then I hear this whistling noise. Oh my god, it’s the guy next to me! It’s his nose I keep looking at him and rubbing my nose hoping he’ll take the hint but no, not a chance. 6 minutes and 24 seconds I had to suffer that whistling nose. Seriously it was horrible! Blow your nose man!

Teacher appreciation at school was possibly the worst thing I’ve ever had to face! Child birth – blah - piece of cake (pardon the pun) AND I know I’m a bit over dramatic but believe me this spread from the parents was amazing! Now remember most of the parents are British so it was all the things from home sausage rolls, Quiche, pakora , smoked salmon, bagels, cream cheeses… ok enough I’m starting to make myself drool all over again. That was just the savory’s I’m not even going to start on the desserts. I went back to my class not eating a thing. Why did I just not stay in my class and not go? That would have been the easiest thing for me to do but I guess taking the easy option is so not me. Anyway back in my class I had a lump in my throat the size of a football seriously I thought I was going to cry, where is my food sponsor when I need her? Oh wait - she’s probably stuffing her face full of goodies. If I can get through this day without biting someone’s head off it will be a miracle. Ok at lunch time back to the staff room to eat my healthy packed lunch I could feel myself getting ready to crack…Oh wait I forgot to mention on top of the teacher appreciation we had craft day at school. Three guesses what craft I was doing? Yup, baking cookies but not just my class, why that’d be just too easy. No I had to bake with three classes so close on 100 cookies, just kill me now!

Did not crack managed to just throw my phone down in a bit of a strop and ate my lunch very quietly.

On Friday at school we were having discos for the kiddos so I had to volunteer. I knew I would be finished work around 5:30 and would need a glass of something very alcoholic or two or maybe even more so I got up at 5:00am and went to the gym so I could have enough points to have my alcohol so if you ever see me at the gym or out on my bike it’s all for the love of Gin! The discos were fun but again the parents donated food; cakes, chips, candy, soda’s, tons of shite basically but again I had to stand there and hand it out. Someone up there is really trying my patience!

Saturday morning I wake up with a wee bit of a virus (that’s code in our house for hangover) however I’m supper excited because I get to go see Cow Face. I get to W/W and it’s good news - I lose 1.5lbs (again yeah for me!) however there is bad news I have to drop a point off my points for the day and Cow Face was nowhere to be seen (annoying cow) apparently she has a cold. A cold my ass she just does not want to face me. The allusive bravo sticker still escapes me maybe I’m just going to wait on the big one! Nice new weight watcher lady tells us “Y’all can do it” and “we’re almost through the holiday period”. Thank Fuck!!!

Here’s my thoughts on dieting. It’s hard sometimes but doable but it’s boring. I should not be surprised but it’s amazing how much time revolves around eating and when I’m not eating I’m just dour and boring. Food just makes us all happier! Well I don’t know about you but it does me. There’s a reason Santa is jolly! So maybe next year instead off riding my bike for charity I’ll be Mrs. Clause - jolly, jolly, jolly and fat, fat, fat!!! But that’s next year.

Serious Bit…

A huge thank you to everyone who has donated to my journey it is very much appreciated. Thanks to all of you who read this blog without y’all I would never have got through this last week and with your help I’ll make it to January without putting too much weight on over this holiday.

Thanks Y’all I couldn’t do it without you!!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sleepin' with the fishes

Ok. You remember the whole no sticker drama last week… Me crying… Cow Face crying… Well, right at the end of my, I don’t want to say argument with her, so let’s just call it emotional discussion or, as Smug Git likes to call it, my petted lip melt down (god I really hate it when he’s right) anyway I said to her, chin still all wobbly “ I have a blog and you’re so going to be in it”. Now it’s just funny but then, I don’t know, I just felt like I was really threatening her with something. Which of course is really funny because I don’t even know her name.

Later that day after I’ve pulled myself together I go out on my bike with Smug Git and Steve my training buddy (I really need to come up with a name for him) anyway he grew up in Queens New York and he’s a really funny guy I tell him the sad, sorry, no sticker story and as quick as a whip he says (I would say in his best New York accent but that’s the way he talks all the time) “you want I should put a hit on her?” I nearly fell off my bike laughing! That made my day and I cycled 15.5 miles.

It’s 3:00am on Monday morning and I can’t sleep because the stupid damaged cat is meowing outside the bedroom window to get in and yes that really is his name which is really funny when you have to take him to the vet and they call out “damaged cat” for his name it makes me laugh every time.

I know you’re all asking why is he called damaged cat? Well long story short I drove over him when he was a kitten and took all the skin off his back and broke his hip! Aww! Poor damaged cat!!!!

So enough about the cat back to ME. I can’t sleep because I’m worried about how to incorporate alcohol into my diet plan because, let’s face it, if I can’t drink on this plan I’m not doing it. End of story! However I come up with, if I may say, a brilliant plan to count my wine and gin points. I get out of bed take my phone into the toilet (I don’t want to wake SG) and work out the point value of a cup of wine which is 7 points and then I do the most important one - the gin. A cup of gin is 20 points. Now I know I know that’s a lot of points… but it’s also a lot of gin! (I’m not planning to drink the whole cup). Woo hoo! I feel like I just discovered the answer to occupy wall street I’m so happy I go back to bed and sleep like a baby.

The rest of the week obviously goes well (because I sorted out my gin consumption for the weekend) until Friday when I have to judge a cake baking competition at school. Seriously that’s like taking an alcoholic on a pub crawl. I feel like I need a WW sponsor. You know someone you can call when you’re just about ready to stuff that piece of chocolate cake in your face. So how would you talk someone down from chocolate? Did I eat any of the cakes? Not a one. We made the year 6 house captains taste all the cookies and cakes. Wow that was a close shave!

Saturday morning and it’s the big weigh in day I’m feeling pretty confident I’ve been good all week and I can’t wait to see Cow Face but I go in to the meeting and look around and Cow Face is nowhere to be seen SHE’S NOT THERE! COW! Now if I lose weight she’ll not know. God this woman annoys the crap out of me! How can I rub it in her face if she’s not there? But wait y’all don’t think Steve (The Don) has really put a hit on her and she’s sleepin with the fishes?

I get on the scales and wait for it……4.5lbs off yeah!

Serious bit….

All joking aside this week has been a tough week and I know the next few weeks will get tougher. Who the hell goes on a diet in December? But I will still give it 100% well maybe the next few weeks 95% and keep you all updated on my progress. I thought this week I’d throw in a wee recipe I made it’s really low fat and absolutely delicious and the boys loved it too and did not know it was low fat so enjoy!

Italian Sausage Pasta

1 1/2 pounds uncooked turkey sausage(s), Italian-style, casings removed
2 tsp olive oil, extra-virgin
2 medium yellow pepper(s), cut into 2-inch long thin strips
1 medium uncooked onion(s), thinly sliced
1/2 cup(s) red wine
1 1/2 Tbsp minced garlic
28 oz canned crushed tomatoes, fire-roasted recommended
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes, or less to taste
1/4 tsp table salt

8 oz uncooked whole-wheat pasta, fusilli
1/3 cup(s) basil, fresh, chopped

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil.

Meanwhile, to make sauce, in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, cook sausage, stirring and breaking up meat with back of a wooden spoon, until cooked through, about 3 to 5 minutes; remove to a plate.

Heat oil in same skillet. Add yellow peppers and onion; cook, stirring frequently, until vegetables are lightly colored and crisp-tender, about 5 minutes.

Add wine and garlic; cook until most of liquid evaporates, about 1 minute. Add tomatoes, crushed red pepper, salt and browned sausage; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover and simmer until vegetables are tender and sauce is heated through, about 10 minutes.

While sauce simmers, add pasta to boiling water and cook according to package instructions. Drain pasta; return to pot. Add sauce and basil; toss to mix and coat.

Yields about 1 1/3 cups per serving.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Fat loser

Remember last week? My serious bit was to follow the weight watchers plan 100%. Well one week on and let me tell you how it all went.

Saturday after weight watchers I follow the plan and use up some but not all of my bonus points or roll over points. I don’t know, I’m not quite sure what they’re called. Anyway, I use some of them because well it is Saturday and if nothing else I need my gin and tonic fix. I can’t believe y’all want me to tell you what I ate all week so I’ll leave out the boring food intake stuff.

Sunday - 100% no probs. Well really its only day one it shouldn’t be that hard right?

Monday - 100% again easy till 9:44pm. How many times in one night does Top Gear (British car show) need to be on? Apparently 3 times because 2 times is just not enough! So then Smug Git is just looking at me I guess because I’m moaning about TOP GEAR!!!!

Me “Stop looking at me”

SG “Cat can look at the queen”

WTF does that mean? I’m going to bed! Because if I don’t I’ll need to throw another banana and hopefully I’ll hit him right between the eyes! Cat can look at the queen again WTF? And if any of you out there know the answer to that question please let me know. No really, let me know.

The rest of the week follows just the same. Honestly I follow the plan to the letter.
Friday night - I’m a bit worried since lately we have been going out for a drink after work but no not this week. I promised you guys I’d do this and so I go home and have dinner and I’m watching the clock till its 9:30 so I can go to bed. Friday without as much as a glass of wine is a poor excuse for a Friday I think. The last time I didn’t have at least a glass of wine on a Friday was about 16 years ago. Seriously!

Saturday Woo hoo! Big weigh in day I wake up really early. 1. Because I was in bed pretty much after my dinner and have slept for about 9 hours and 2. For the first time in forever I can’t wait to get on those scales. I know, can you believe I’m excited about that?

SG drives me to the meeting. Ok bear with me here I have to give credit where credit’s due. SG is super supportive and takes me there and waits in the car (love him really) ok enough of the mushy stuff back to business. Because this is where the fun begins. Word of warning now, if you by chance read this to your children to get them off to sleep at night I’d stop right here. There WILL be tears and bad, bad language and for most of you who know me, you’ll know I’m not a bad language kind of woman so consider yourselves forewarned.

I hand over my weight loss card to the leader who from now and ever after will be known as “Cow Face” I stand on the scales. I have butterflies in my belly and I’m so nervous. She looks at me with no expression on her face then looks at my weight then at my card. She does not tell me what I’ve lost or gained and says “so what have you done differently this week?”

Me “stuck to the plan 100%”

Cow Face “This is a significant weight loss”

Me “WHAT?”

Cow Face “11.2 pounds”

Me “Oh my god! Seriously I’m so, so happy! This is great! I’ve stuck to the plan 100%, this really does work”. The lady who also works there is really happy for me and tells me “Wow you’ll get an award for that!” Then Cow Face, who is looking at me like I’ve cheated or had bypass surgery and not told anyone, goes “No! Because she put on weight since the last time she was here” (about 7months ago). I’m gob smacked so I just take my seat and sit down. The meeting goes something like this, well truth be known, exactly like this. She’s talking about all the usual shite stuff and what you can do to help yourself over the holiday period. Me I’m quietly fuming in the back row. Then this fatty in the front row talks about how she went to the hibachi grill for lunch on Friday and realizes after she’s had lunch just how fattening the food was. DUH! Cow Face - wait for it - gives her a bravo sticker!

Wait… What the fuck! A sticker for realizing after lunch the food was fattening! Seriously! No shit Sherlock! WHERE”S MY STICKER?

Then a Skinny chick get a sticker for managing her work environment. What pray tell did she do? Well she didn’t go to the staffroom where they had cake, is it too late to shout out I did that this week? Ok, it was pizza, same thing.
The best is yet to come. Cow Face proceeds to tell the class that “Today we have 15 members weigh in and have lost a total of 29.2lbs” Everyone gives a wee clap. However, 29.2lbs OF WHICH 11.2 OF SAID POUNDS WERE MINE! But no, not a mention.

Where the FUCK is my sticker. Hello… Still here!

After the class is over I’m so having words with Cow Face. I go to her and I start telling her how disappointed I am and here is where it gets really ugly. My chin starts to do that quivery thing, you know when you’re trying hard not to cry and my voice goes all shaky. What the hell, I left my house a 47 year old obese (not for long) woman and I turn into a 6 year old girl crying over a bravo sticker. I’m telling her it’s not the sticker it’s the fact I worked my ass literally off and I got nothing. Then wait for it - She starts crying! Oh shit, I’ve just made the pregnant Cow Face cry (oh did I forget to mention she was pregers ops!) I didn’t want to make her cry, she made me cry!

I leave, get into the car and bawl my eyes out. SG is just looking at me and I can’t even tell him for sobbing. We go home and the boys are there Gus is just laughing which makes me laugh and Greek Adonis tells me “you should be grounded young lady for crying over a sticker go to your room” which makes me laugh even more then as he walks upstairs he calls back “well today you’re just a sad fat loser” Which is true, today I am a fat loser Yeah!

Serious bit:

Despite Cow Face I will stick to W/W 100% and go back next week and see what she has to say. Watch this space.