Sunday, February 26, 2012

Down but not out

Ok gal pals I know y’all have tried the odd diet now and then. I’ve yet to meet any woman, or man for that matter, who has not. Well except for Gus - that boy can eat his weight in pizza and then want a dessert. This week as promised I’ve stuck to my diet 100% but throw into the mix PMS and I was the bitch from hell. I’m not kidding, everything bothered me this week. I was just permanently annoyed. And when I have PMS I also have a super power and I can hear what Smug Git is thinking and right now it’s “What? Just this week? Try every week”

I wonder if you murdered someone you could use PMS as your defense? No? Just a thought….

So all in all a good week:

Diet - Check
Exercise - Check
Weight watchers on Thursday night - Check - Although nothing to report on that front, I stayed the same but I’ll take that. No weight gain from the week before so that’s great.

It was Smug Git’s birthday this week and on Friday we had two of the Scottish couples over for some food but we have a ride in the morning so I’ve told them they have to go by 10:30pm (see PMS kicking in again) and I can’t drink, I’m going to be a bundle of laughs. Well… I decide I’ll have a couple. I’m sure that will be fine but as you all know me well enough by now two turn into four and I’m having a great time. Under normal circumstances I’d be fine with four gins and I don’t think they are particularly large ones but my head is buzzing. I’ve turned into such a light weight and I mean as far as drinking is concerned my actual weigh I’m nowhere near the light weight category I’m still in the heifer division and probably will be for the time being. But Beth you’ll be proud of me I know I have to ride and they all leave about 10:30. I’m in my bed by 10:50 and I don’t see 10:55 night, night all!

Saturday morning the alarm goes off at 6:00am and my mouth is like an Arabs sandshoe (tennis shoe) and my head’s pounding. Oh my god I have to ride 33 miles this morning. Why do I feel so bad? Oh shut up I know what you’re all thinking (apparently my super powers work on you lot too). No worries after an anti-inflammatory for the groin strain, two pain killers for the headache, an antihistamine for the hay fever and my blood pressure meds I’m good to go.

We get to the ride and I meet up with Leanne and Steph from work but they ride way faster than me plus they were riding 50 miles and I was only doing 33 so we left at different times. As we passed the first rest stop we hear the girls shouting at us as we rode past “Go team Scotland” too funny then later they zoomed past us again those girls will kick some serious biker butt during the MS150. I was planning on riding with them but there’s no way I could keep up! Go Girls…..

The rest of the ride was good, not too cold and at the end I felt great. We went off to the cafeteria for a pancake breakfast provided by Waller intermediate school. That was who was organizing the ride this week - the Waller Bulldogs to raise some money for their school and I have to say they did a great job.

The good thing about riding at the weekend is on a Saturday night I can usually eat and drink whatever I like but not this week tomorrow I am riding again and this time I’m riding 44 miles so it’s off to bed at 10:00pm like the sensible grown up I am.

Sunday morning and the alarm again goes off at 6:00am but this time I’m as fresh as a daisy and raring to go. (Well not really raring to go) We head off and get to the ride a wee bit late so we have to leave at the back of the pack or at the back of the saddle of saddos as my Scottish friends like to call it. The weather was beautiful and then after that it all went downhill from there (well not quite from there). We are riding along and all is well and then right in front of me is my first hill! WTF! No one told me they’d be hills! Smug Git kept that quiet and there was not just one hill there were about 10! I was in the very bottom gear and I felt like I was going backwards, but I did not get off once! I made every single hill. Go me!

Later I’m riding along, it’s about 38 miles in and I can honestly say I’m exhausted. I really want to use the SAG wagon (but I won’t) I keep talking to myself “Ok just get to 40” and just as I reach 40 this arse in a red car drives right up behind me, honks his horn and forces me off the road. I go flying off the bike and end up in a ditch - oh my god my heart was in my mouth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen SG so mad but I was fine except I broke two nails and what else can you do - just get up and get back on. At the end of the ride I rode 47 miles the longest ride I’ve done so far and a weekend total of 80 miles but thank god it’s done till next week.

Serious Bit…

If you are in your car and you’re passing a bike rider please give them room and don’t honk your horn right as you pass them.

Next week……Get ready I’m clipping in!

Thanks for reading see y’all next week. Iz

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Ride and Glide!

It’s Saturday at 4:00 I’ve just got in from riding my bike only 15 miles today because of the weather and I’ve just scoffed down two homemade spicy Italian sausage rolls OMG! They were delicious and now I have an ice cold beer. Could things get any better than this? Oh I just remembered I had to take an anti-inflammatory since I have a groin strain so I’m thinking I’d better not have a bath before I go out tonight!

I know, I know - you’re all thinking I’m horrible and I’ll go straight to hell but never mind I’ll be in good company.

Ok enough of that nonsense, what has gone on this week? I’ve been off on holiday for half term at school and the plans I had for the week were lots of bike riding, reading, a few chores round the house. Just all in all a relaxing week. What did I do this week? Well none of the above, I mostly just ate whatever I fancied in large amounts and drank copious amounts of alcohol. I don’t think there was a day that I stuck to my weight watchers or a day that I did not drink some alcoholic beverage, Oh wait! Thursday - I was good on Thursday.

A few other things happened this week. On Monday I had to go to the opticians and after a thorough eye examination she told me I had brain damage. Now I know y’all are thinking she did not tell you that but she did. ok let me explain and then you decide. Just so you know I don’t have good vision in my right eye, so she dilates the eye has a look and says she thinks there may have been some damage to the optic nerve between the eye and the brain.

Me “Are you saying I have brain damage?”

Doc “Well it’s kinda like that” (you don’t really want to hear the whole explanation)

Me “Thanks doc that explains a lot” She just laughs.

There you go brain damage but it makes perfect sense because really you need to be a little brain damaged to do this ride. Right?

But wait till I tell you what we did after we left the opticians, you’ll not believe this we joined a bike riding club. I know me a member of a bike riding club! It’s called northwest cyclists I’m so excited I’m in a club. I’m not sure northwest cyclists know what they have let themselves in for but I can’t wait to join them especially after the MS150.

Tuesday Valentine’s day possibly the best day of the year, if of course you’re in a relationship not so much if your not. I’m sure y’all got wonderfully romantic gifts from your loved ones. If I asked you to guess what I got you’d never in a million years guess. But in order for y’all to understand the sheer magnitude of what I got I’ll have to do a little back story I’m sure I have y’all intrigued now so you’re going to read on.

When I’ve completed a ride, especially long rides my friends and family always ask me, how is your butt? I always have the same answer my butt is fine it does not hurt at all however and here is where it gets a bit embarrassing (please don’t let your children read this) my va-jay-jay hurts like hell. I’ve tried everything to help, I don’t really want to tell you exactly what I’ve done it might put you off your dinner but needless to say I’ve tried a few things. Back to Valentine’s Day Smug Git buys me Hoo Ha Ride Glide apparently formulated by woman for woman. Seriously that’s what I got! Oh and it comes in a handy dandy handbag size, and I have lots of it so if any of my girls out there are having any embarrassing problems with their hoo ha’s SG has it covered, literally!

What makes this even funnier is later that evening I texted my friend Amanda and told her what SG had got me but unbeknown to me she was driving and asked her 15 year old son to read out the text to her. "forgot to tell you what my man got me for valentine's Hoo Ha Ride Glide for!" and then his face went bright red "you'll have to read the rest" poor boy. So now I have to apoligize so sorry but don't worry I wont mention your name.

The rest of the week went ok I did go out with some of the girl for a birthday lunch and as always I was the only lush drinking dirty martini’s at 12 noon but hey I’m on holiday and they were delish but to be fair I’d just found out that the ride on Saturday was cancelled due to the storms so bottoms up!

As I said earlier I got 15 miles in on Saturday and I’m planning on going out this afternoon again just round the neighborhood but it is a lovely day so it should be a nice ride.

Serious Bit…

I apologize if this blog does not have much in it this week about riding but I’m afraid I’ve reverted back to the old Izzi eating and drinking anything I can get my hands on. You know something, diet and exercise was not this hard over the Thanksgiving and Christmas period and I know it’s harder to get back in control so here is my promise to y’all as from this moment I’m back on plan I’ll track my points, weigh in next Thursday (no matter how bad it might be) and back on the bike every morning and for good measure I’ll throw in a couple of afternoon bike rides. Then next week I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

Thanks for reading every week and I’ll see y’all next week!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

I love children but I couldn't eat a whole one!

Ok so it’s Friday night and there’s a birthday party going on with all the girlies from work to which I have been invited but I had to refuse because unlike last weekend the weather tomorrow is to be fine for bike riding. So I’m sitting here, not bitter at all, writing this stupid blog while all the lovey ladies from work will now be well on their way to being pissed (again not jealous and bitter) Ok well a tad jealous and bitter.

Anyway as you will all remember last week there was horrible weather on Saturday morning so I could not ride. This meant I got to go out on the Friday evening and have a few, well maybe more than a few drinks - oh what fun! I waken up on Saturday morning with the worst sore throat ever! And I have a baby shower to go to in the afternoon but I’m thinking to myself maybe I’ve been sleeping with my mouth open and I’m guessing snoring like a bear (due to the alcohol consumption you understand) my throat will be fine nothing a few glasses of wine won’t help and true enough when I got to the shower that fizzy wine took all the pain away. Told Ya!

At the shower all the girls are telling me how good I look and that you can see the weight coming off and I’m just full of it. I’m having a great time…..

Fast forward to today – Friday. It’s raining again and I have to go work with the three year olds at break time because it’s indoor play and just as I’m getting ready to leave the class this little cherub (or pain in the ass as I like to call him) says “ Why are you wheelie, wheelie fat?”

Me: “What did you just say?” Oh I heard him, I was just making sure.

Pain in the ass: “Why are you wheelie wheelie fat?”

I’m gutted. I walk over to him and I say “Why are you short?” “Do you know I’ve lost 26lbs?”

And do you know what he does? He just walks away and plays with the Lego! And me I’m left standing there gob smacked. My plan is to knock him over and stand on his fingers. However I didn’t get the chance to do it today but I’ve got a long memory and I know where to find him - I’m just biding my time.

Well I guess that’s what I get for being full of shite! But that brings me to a good point. I don’t know about any of you but I think I’m the opposite of anorexic. You know how anorexic people look in the mirror and see a fat person well I’m apparently “wheelie, wheelie fat” and when I look in the mirror I don’t see a fat person. I think this is why I find it hard to lose weight but no worries now for the next few weeks I’ll have that wee voice in my head every time I look in the mirror. “Why are you wheelie wheelie fat?”

Enough of that I’m sure that’s not what you are all tuning in for I’m sure you’re all hanging on the edge of your iphones to hear how my 45 mile ride went on Saturday.

Saturday morning was freezing cold - I mean 38⁰ cold - see your breath cold, but when we arrived at the camp site there was plenty of hot coffee, breakfast burritos and muffins yum! (The only day in the week I don’t feel guilty about eating) the ride was worth it just for that. This week’s ride was a charity ride so there was somewhere in the region of 2000 riders. It really was a site to be seen. We headed out for the start line about 9:00am and while I’m waiting to set off this ride marshal comes over to me and tells me my helmet is not on right so I ask him what’s wrong with it and he says “It’s too far back on your head and the straps are too loose”

Me “Can you fix it for me?”

Ride marshal “No”

Me ”What? Why not?”

RM “I don’t want to take my hands out my gloves”

Me ”Seriously? Is that not why you’re here?”

RM “Yeah but it’s too cold”

Me “Well if I fall off my bike and smash my scull it’s your fault”

RM laughs “Ok” and walks off

Some people just don’t take their responsibility seriously enough. So I got SG to do it coz I didn’t want to take my gloves off.

After waiting for about 20 minutes it was our turn to head off. I had a great pace to start and my goal was not to drop below 9mph even in the wind. And it was windy! The winds were 12 to 15mph gusts but for some reason I didn’t find it that bad and I only dropped to 8mph for a wee bit. My average pace yesterday was 12mph woo-hoo I had a great ride. Smug Git on the other hand really struggled yesterday poor thing but in his defense (which I don’t like doing often) he woke up with a sore throat this morning.

When we got back to the camp site there were burgers (not as I said on Facebook burglars) that under normal circumstances would have been minging ( translation for my American friends) disgusting but tasted awesome I guess if you put enough cheese, onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard on something it will taste great m..m..good. And and when I got back to the car SG had put beers in the cooler. Have I ever told y’all how wonderful my husband is?

All in all a very successful ride!

Serious bit…

Yesterday I had to sign a waiver and while I was reading it I discovered that cycling is indeed a dangerous sport. Apparently I have a responsibility for any injury or accident. I’m assuming only to me.

I have to certify that I am physically fit. Well no I’m not.

I certify that I am sufficiently experienced to ride a bike. Seriously are they having a laugh?

And understand that the risks of a lengthy bicycle ride include, but are not limited to, head injuries, fractures, dehydration, heat exhaustion, heat stroke, heart attack, and other possible minor or major injuries.

Ok nobody told me any of this I’m beginning to think this whole thing was a bad Idea. If I wasn’t loving this bike riding nonsense (and please don’t tell SG I said that) I’d give it all up tomorrow.

Real serious bit now…

I’d like to give a huge shout out to the following people who with their donations have got me bike riding and LOVING every minute of it while riding for a truly wonderful cause:

Michelle Patterson
Beth Read
Kelly Shoaff
Lesley McQuade
Denielle Pooley
Anna Pittman
Pat Toombs
Sharon McCrae
Nicola McKay
Michael Connellan
Beverly Hyden
Dawn Thomson
Amanda Hutchinson
Sandra Hannigan
Rosey Parsons
Sinead Lamb

Thanks again to you and your families for your support it means so so much to me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012


Well, well, well. What to write about today? And it is Sunday by the way. It was a bit of a dull week if truth be told. I guess I could fill y’all in on what happened with the bathroom scale drama. Did I make it without weighing myself for a week or did I not? What do you think? Drum roll please……

Of course I didn’t bloody make it! Are you lot crazy? Gus wanted pizza on Friday and I tried the old “only if you give me the scales back can you have pizza” but his answer was a big fat “NO!” and then he called Smug Git and got him to pick up the pizza. Damn he’s a smart boy! So after that I was kind of ok over the weekend because I was busy.

Monday morning and not knowing what I weighed was horrible. I thought about it all day and as I drove home I was thinking I hope Gus is not home then I can go up to his room and search for the scales, get a wee quick weigh in and no one need be any the wiser. A quick fix right? As I turn the corner, what do you know his car is in the drive, shit one perfect plan scuppered. But wait If I go in and he is playing with his virtual friends he’ll have his ear phones on and he will be in the game room. I could be really quiet, sneak up the stairs, find the scales and voila! Quick weigh in. Good to go. Gus oblivious to his sad mothers dastardly deeds. All’s well blah, blah, blah… So I’m opening the door really slowly and the dogs start barking (I had completely forgot about the dogs) and Gus shouts down “hi mom how was your day?” Oh bugger!

Me “It was good how as yours?”

Gus “Good”

Me “What you doing?” Thinking he might still be virtual friending it.

Gus “Doing my homework”

Oh for god sake that boy is killing me. Well there’s no chance I’m getting near the scales.

Later in the evening I tell Smug Git he needs to help me get the scales back. I know at this point he will do just about anything for a quiet life because I keep going on about “I just need to know where I am” and “it’s nearly Thursday anyway”. He goes upstairs to Gus’ room and asks him for the scales and guess what he came down the stairs with? Yes, you’re right - Nothing. That kid has balls! Smug Git on the other hand may need to grow a pair. I want those scales and I want them now! And then I remember! Oh my god! I’ve been so busy worrying about me I never gave him a second thought! It’s like a light bulb moment! Greek Adonis!!! He has a set of scales in his bathroom. Of course he does - he’s crazier about his weight than me. I am beside myself with delight so I send SG up for them and on the way back down Gus is there. Gus comes down stairs and gives me one of his “Oh come on Mom I can’t believe you’re doing this” looks but at this point I don’t even care! And then he says “I think you need an intervention” Ha, ha now that would be a funny show. I’d watch that.

The rest of the week was fine. I went to weight watchers on Thursday and lost 2lbs and since it's the beginning of a new month I thought I would tell you my total weight loss so far is 26lbs! Yeah! I’m one very happy lady.
Now for the bad news. The weekend was a wash out with a huge storm on Saturday morning so I was not able to get on my bike. Good news however, I was able to drink on Friday and Saturday. See every cloud has a silver lining! I am planning on going out on my shiny new bike after I finish this blog but you know this might take a while.

Now I know you are all thinking “That’s it? Nothing else happened? And really that’s it. As I said bit of a dull week but then I just remembered something. My blog would not be the same if I did not give Lesley a wee mention. Lesley are you ready for this?

Since there will be no ride on Saturday and I have a party on Friday evening I decide I’ll go and have my nails done. I’m in the middle of having them done when Lesley sends me a couple of text messages about Lance Armstrong and how “his team are dropping the doping charges but the Feds may still go ahead with pursuing charges”, so I have to text her back “OMG! You are hilarious just coz I ride a bike does not mean I know anything about Lance Armstrong”. Then she texts back “Oh sorry! I forgot it’s me that’s the cycling geek”. Lesley - Your secret is out now maybe next year I’ll get you out on the bike with me. Well a girl can dream right Lesley? Oh and I won’t tell y’all what she says about Lance Armstrong!

Serious bit.

After thinking long and hard about my serious bit this week I think I will take a moment and share with you some very serious rules for women cyclers in the 1895.

  • Don’t cultivate a bicycle face. I think that’s what I must have been doing last week when the ride marshal told me off.
  • Don’t go out after dark without a male escort. Is that of the private hire kind? (just asking)
  • Don’t wear a garden hat with bloomers. Why I never would! How appalling, just the mere thought of it.
  • Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private. (enough said)
  • Don’t appear in public till you ride well. Oh well it’s goodbye shiny new bike.

Here is my link if you would like to donate to this very worthwhile cause.

Thanks for reading see y’all next week!