Friday, June 21, 2013

Little Old Wine Drinker Me!

If you remember my last blog it was the first day of the summer holidays and I was all gung ho about not putting 10 pounds on and going to the gym if not every day most days of the week. Well it’s the end of the third week and I've managed to go to the gym 3 times and I've drank every night bar 3. And no they were not the nights I went to the gym.  I am not having an easy time with this! Then to top it all I hear that James Gandolfini died and he was only 51. That’s only 2 years older than me! Bloody hell! I start watching a news report about him and it was saying he was a bit of a partier. He liked his drugs and alcohol and I start thinking “wow, that’s a bit like me!” well, minus the drugs. I’m more donuts and alcohol but to be honest there’s not much of a difference, drugs are probably slightly better than the donuts but both will kill you.

I had to go to the gym today and it will be no surprise to anyone if I tell you I’m not training with Greek Adonis but before I hear y’all say “I told you so” it’s not what you think. He’s still alive and training but with Smug Git’s schedule and GA’s schedule it’s better if they work out together.  He is an awesome trainer and I really did enjoy working out with him, minus the tantrums (and they were from me) but it’s back to training with the lovely Scott.  Today Scott was not so lovely. I turned up and he was mad, now I get it that he does not want to be messed around, however the last time I looked at my bank account I was still paying him so he needs pull his big girl panties up and get on with it. He was having a hard time dealing with me this morning but it was then that I remembered that he really is just a wee boy with a big grown up job and if I’m the worst - I don’t really want to say this - client (doesn't make me or him sound good) anyway if I’m the worst he’s got he’s not doing half bad.  We managed or should I say he managed to get along with me till the end of the workout and then I booked two more workout this week and three next week so he seemed to cheer up a bit. Believe me I will give him a hard time tomorrow about his mood and then it may be onto trainer five!

After my weights workout I went and did some cardio. I was aiming for 20 minutes but managed 10, which was better than nothing I suppose. The sweat was pouring off me and I was knackered but then it had been a week since I had worked out and I’d been drinking every night so I’m sure I was sweating out pure alcohol. Oh I seriously need to stop drinking.  I go home and I’m on the internet and I found this little article.

Avoid alcohol
Want to keep your favorite meals from going straight to your hips (thighs, belly)? Wash them down with water, not wine. Alcohol slows your metabolism by depressing the central nervous system. A British study found that when alcohol was added to a high-fat, high-calorie meal, less dietary fat was burned off and more was stored as body fat.
Bloody Britt’s they have to suck the fun out of everything.

Do you think this is true? Don’t even bother answering I know what y’all will say and that’s not what I want to hear. So what do I do? I don’t think I have a drink problem, I love it I really do but I do think enough is enough so after giving it a lot - and I mean a lot of thought, I’m going to not drink for one whole week. I get it that it does not sound like a long time but I think the last time I didn't drink was about 18 years ago when I was pregnant (OK so maybe that does make me sound like I have a bit of a problem). I've just read that last bit back and it sounds like I've been drinking or drunk for 18 years - Not so but I’m not going to explain coz I can’t be bothered (see the bitching has started already), so one week it is starting from today June 20th 2013 I’m kind of crapping myself because I’m not sure I can do it. Next week’s blog could be a drunk blog, now that would be funny.

Next week’s goals; no drinking and go to the gym five days. That sounds easy, let’s see!

Let the bitching, I mean fun begin…..

Monday, June 3, 2013

When the going gets tough the trainers get going!

It’s Monday June 3, 2013 officially the first day of my summer vacation and since starting my fifty till fifty I’ve lost 4 pounds (it’s better than nothing) and I’m now on my fourth personal trainer. Why do these things happen to me? Normally during the summer break I average about a 10 pound gain by the time I go back to work in August but this year I’m hoping it will be 10 pounds in the other direction. First though I guess I should fill you in on how on earth I managed to get through 3 personal trainers.

Smug Git and I went to LA Fitness to have a look about and to think about joining. I have to say it’s a very nice gym, well as gyms go it’s nice and of course it’s full of poncey people that love themselves and tons of buff teenage boys. Ok I’m just going to say this, teenagers did not look that buff when I was at school. Well the boys didn’t, some of the girls - now that’s a different story! Seriously though boys were never that buff and what is it with the protein shake? All the buff people have a protein shake stuck to their hand (hmmm maybe that’s where I’m going wrong, that and a few hundred other things.) Anyway I digress. We decide we are going to sign up and actually get a good deal so I have an appointment to see a personal trainer called Patrick the next day.

Wow! Patrick! Or should I say Perfect Patrick this guy is BUFF! He has arms the size of a small child (oh and not as Smug Git says wee tiny baby arms) He’s huge and handsome and did I say perfect? Oh god I think I’m drooling a bit, I’ll need to wipe my chin before I carry on. I go and meet with him and I come over all smiley and giggly like a big stupid teenager and I start talking shite like “I rode the MS150 and I write a blog” coz I know that’s going to impress him, right? Well you never know it might have - well until I had to tell him what I weigh but being perfect he says “no you don’t weigh that much”. Told ya - Perfect!

Then Perfect Patrick did the funniest thing he brings out this piece of equipment that looked exactly like an Xbox controller and he tells me I have to squeeze the two handles as hard as I can and this will measure my body fat content but first he has to put in my weight and height it’s then I start to laugh he might be perfect but he’s not very bright well I guess you can’t have everything.  I mean seriously I could have squeezed his fingers and told him the same thing the bloody Xbox controller did.  My body fat content was very high. Really? No shit Sherlock! So the next thing I know I’m signing up for a personal trainer two days a week (oh god help me now).

Trainer number 1

Candy, sweet little girl with a no nonsense attitude but with no sense of humor. She did make me laugh when, after our first workout, she gave me her cell number and told me to call or text her if I had any questions and then she says “You do know how to text right?”. WTF! How old did she think I was? I was texting before she was out of diapers!  I had a few great workouts with her but one of the most memorable was when she had me do jumping jacks and I told her that it was not a good idea since I had a bladder control issue. She looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language (to her, maybe I was) she told me to just stop when I had to and I told her no worries I’d just stop when I slipped on the pee on the floor. Ha! that made her laugh.  But sadly Candy got fired L.

I liked Candy, but then… who doesn’t like candy!

Trainer number 2

Helga, big, giant, dark haired girl with a mole and a mustache. Well ok she was tall, skinny and beautiful. Or she would have been if she smiled. She did not like fat people, so I did not like Helga. I preferred to think of her as big and moley with a mustache.  She would not talk to me and could barely look in my direction but I don’t know why that should surprise me as gyms all over the world are like that. Skinny people think there’s something wrong with you if you’re fat and that if they talk to you they may catch the fat virus (oops bit of a rant there). Anyway, it was no surprise when she did not show up for me the next day.  Shocker right?

Trainer number 3

The lovely Scott! What can I say about Scott, great wee trainer, nice young man. I had some fantastic workouts with him but as they say all good things must come to an end and Smug Git needs the help much more than me so he is now training with Scott.

And me?

Well I’m now on to…..

Trainer number 4

Are y’all ready for this? 

I’m now training with Greek Adonis and my first training day is today.  Now this is going to go one of two ways; I’m going to lose all my weight & look fantastic or I’ll lose all my weight eating prison food because I’ve murdered the wee shite. Either way I’ll be looking a lot better. 

Wish me luck till next time…..Iz

Quick update I’m just back from my first work out with Greek Adonis and there is another scenario I may just collapse and die during a workout… help!