Sunday, October 7, 2012

Book him Danno, murder one!

Well isn't technology a wonderful thing? I've just discovered how to write my blog while lying on the sofa. Oh the inactivity of it! I can feel the pounds returning as I type with my one finger (well it is hard to write while balancing the iPad on my left boob).

This week was a very interesting week. Before I tell you all about it I'll get the biking and diet bit out of the way, I promise it won't take long since I've done none of it, I've been on the bike twice in the last two weeks and I've eaten everything in my path that doesn't have a pulse. End of the healthy bit (told you it wouldn't take long).

Ok first things first I probably should not be writing this and I'm sure some of you will be horrified and some of you might judge me but hey what's new so here goes. I have to go back a few weeks to start.

A couple of Sunday mornings ago the phone rung at 9:30am and Greek Adonis (from this point on will be known as Stupid Son) tells Smug Git the night before he got caught outside with a beer and got a ticket for a MIP (for my international friends that's a Minor In Possession of alcohol) when I say alcohol it was a lite beer! I mean really if you’re going to be stupid enough to get a MIP could you at least make sure it's with a real beer and not the lite shite.  To be honest I don't know how y'all don't know about this because I'm sure that Sunday morning the whole of Texas could hear me shouting and screaming like a banshee. He then gets a court date of October 6th and I have to get a day off to go up with him because Smug Git is away and here's where it gets funny.

The first thing is he does not own a nice pair of pants or decent pair of dress shoes and I don't really want to spend money on buying him any so I look in his brothers closet and find everything I need however the shoes are a size 11 and SS is only a 9.5 but Smug Git who should now be known as Stupid Arse (ha funny like father like son) thinks he can just wear two pairs of sock and this will be fine.  I head off to Bryan Tx and I hate driving because I don't know where I'm going and we have a new car that I can't work but I have my sat/nav and I'm good to go. I head up the road with my music blaring, singing along and the album I'm listening to ends but I don't or rather can't change it because that would mean taking my hand off the steering wheel and not looking at the road. A no no for me so I have to spend the rest of the journey listening to Christmas music - oh and not just any old Christmas music – It’s Rascal Flats Christmas music! Well we are in Texas after all.

I arrive at SS's in plenty of time for his court appearance and give him the clothes and shoes. He takes one look at the shoes and starts to laugh.

SS "Are you serious? I can't wear those shoes"

Me "They'll be fine, just wear two pairs of socks"

SS "No way! I look like I have clown shoes on"

Me "Don't be so dramatic!"

But they did look like clown shoes and I was trying hard not to laugh but then he started laughing and lifted up his trouser leg to reveal about 2" between his heel and the heel of the shoe. Needless to say he did not wear the shoes.  We head off to court and SS is a bag of nerves. We get to the waiting room and I'm the only mother there. Not only that but I'm the only woman! It's all redneck teenagers with not a pair of pants or shoes between them it's all cowboy boots, shiny buckles and jeans. We then go into court and SS tells me not to say anything and of course having a last name that begins with W means I get to hear what everyone else is there for. It was better than reality TV! Well not quite, it was all bald tires and out of date inspection stickers but what was funny was every kid gave the same excuse.

Redneck kid "Uh I'd just moved here and forgot"

Judge "Is it fixed?"

Redneck "Yes sir"

Judge "Case dismissed!"

Somehow I don't think that'll happen when it's our turn!

Then this other kid goes up and SS tells me that he was drinking with him. However he got a ticket for MIC (Minor In Consumption of alcohol). So wait!! Now it all makes sense to me! SS was not drinking, he was just holding it for someone else (wink, wink). Right?
Outcome: SS gets 8 hours community service and has to attend two alcohol awareness programs and 3 month probation. If he completes all that then it will not go on his record (thank god) I asked him later "So what did you learn from this?" Answer:  Don't drink outside!!!!


Serious bit...

When does it get easier being a parent? 

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