I know I have not written a blog in a while and to tell you
the truth that was for two reasons. One, I know as soon as I write something
I'm seriously going to have to start working on losing weight and I'll have to
actually get on the bike again and, two, nothing remotely funny or otherwise
has happened to me lately. Well that is until this weekend! So now I'm writing
this and I'll have to start the diet and the bike riding but best of all I get
to tell you about my weekend.
Smug Git and I were invited to go hunting with our good friends
the Howard's. Now I'm not really a hunting kind of girl and have tried several
times in the past say 20 odd years being vegetarian but like most of the things
I try I failed miserably (seriously who can live without bacon?) but as you
know I do love any opportunity to partake in a few alcoholic beverages so I was
mad keen to go and live it up out in the country. We pack up Friday after work
and head out. As we are leaving Smug Git tells me that he also will not be
hunting. Ok really? We are invited on a hunting weekend and none of us are
going to do it. So there and then I decide I will do it, I'll shoot the bloody
thing! Or at least be there when Mike shoots it. So from here on in Smug Git
will now be known as Josephine (the big girls blouse.)
Friday evening we have a really nice dinner but I'm a bag of
nerves due, obviously to the fact that I will be killing an animal the next
morning so to get us in the mood we watch the deer hunter ha ha ha just kidding
we watch a few episodes of duck dynasty. Now I don't know if you've ever
watched this wee gem, but it is so funny! I recommend y'all catching an episode
and I know you're thinking what does this have to do with deer hunting but it
will all become clear later. When its
time for bed Josephine sets the alarm for me at 5:50am on a Saturday morning so
I can go hunt, like I need an alarm I'll be awake all night worrying about it.
5:50am and you guessed it I'm awake before the alarm but
surprisingly enough I did sleep. Josephine and I get up, I don't know why she's
up because she's not going anywhere. I'm the one doing all the dirty work. When
we head out it's black as two in the morning and we have to get to the hut (or
as us hunters call it the hide). As soon as we get out the door there are wild
animals right there in front of us! Three raccoons! For real! Right there! Mike
scares them with the torch (now I know you Americans are thinking we have a big
stick with a flame on it but no it was a flashlight) and then we have to go in
the same direction as the wild animals went! I'm freaking out and I can't see
two feet in front of me! Ok I can do this, deep breath. I forgot to say Mike is
in full camouflage gear while I'm in a pair of 3/4 length jeans and Skechers.
Anyway we get to the hut and climb inside. It's tiny with a wooden bench but I
do get a cushion to sit on although with a butt the size of mine it feels like
I'm sitting on a Kleenex. We settle in for the kill and Mike loads the gun. A
.50 caliber rifle no less. Have you ever sat beside someone with a loaded gun
before? Well let me tell you, I was following all the rules, I kept my eyes
peeled and my mouth well and truly shut. In fact if truth be told I was scared
to move a muscle! I just looked out the window and only talked when I was
talked to in a very quiet whisper. Then to my left I spot a doe, a deer, a
female deer (ok I know you're laughing at this. I was actually thinking this at
the time.) I nudge Mike and I'm kinda proud of myself because I spotted it
first but panicking that he will shoot it and I'll have to watch but no we
don't shoot doe's only buck's. I did not know that thank god. Two more doe come
along and head into our field then something gets their attention and it looks
like they are staring right at me then they run off thank god. I feel like my
mind melding with the deer worked "Run, flee for your life!" Now if I
can keep this up I won't have to kill anything but Mike decides to bring out
the big guns the, wait for it......"Buck Commander" from duck dynasty!
For real! He bought one from that place in Louisiana. He starts blowing in it
to get the bucks to come out but thankfully they don't and I'm so relieved I
get to go back and still look tough in front of Josephine with bragging rights
intact for a long time or until she grows a pair. We get back to the house and I'm so full of
myself, bragging and laughing and giving Josephine such a hard time then Mike
says
"So Izzi you want to go out again just before sunset?"
Me "Sure I'd love to" (fuck!)
Me "Hey Smug Git, you want to go?" (I was trying to
get on his good side)
SG "No, no worries, you can go"
Me "Cool thanks" (fuck!)
Ok to cut a long story short I went back out, saw lots and
lots of doe but once again no buck. My mind melding was still working.
I think Josephine was rather pissed off at me and decided to
go out the next morning and what would you know. They did get a buck and Smug
Git (Josephine no more) helped with all the dirty work that goes with killing
animals. The stuff I don't want to know about when I'm tucking into a nice
steak dinner.
What a nice weekend with at last something to write about.
Serious bit
I do want to remind y'all I am riding in the MS150 and if some
of you could spare a few dollars to sponsor me it might help me get fired up
about training so please give it some thought. Here is my link
Thanks for reading. Iz
