I know I have not written a blog in a while and to tell you the truth that was for two reasons. One, I know as soon as I write something I'm seriously going to have to start working on losing weight and I'll have to actually get on the bike again and, two, nothing remotely funny or otherwise has happened to me lately. Well that is until this weekend! So now I'm writing this and I'll have to start the diet and the bike riding but best of all I get to tell you about my weekend.
Smug Git and I were invited to go hunting with our good friends the Howard's. Now I'm not really a hunting kind of girl and have tried several times in the past say 20 odd years being vegetarian but like most of the things I try I failed miserably (seriously who can live without bacon?) but as you know I do love any opportunity to partake in a few alcoholic beverages so I was mad keen to go and live it up out in the country. We pack up Friday after work and head out. As we are leaving Smug Git tells me that he also will not be hunting. Ok really? We are invited on a hunting weekend and none of us are going to do it. So there and then I decide I will do it, I'll shoot the bloody thing! Or at least be there when Mike shoots it. So from here on in Smug Git will now be known as Josephine (the big girls blouse.)
Friday evening we have a really nice dinner but I'm a bag of nerves due, obviously to the fact that I will be killing an animal the next morning so to get us in the mood we watch the deer hunter ha ha ha just kidding we watch a few episodes of duck dynasty. Now I don't know if you've ever watched this wee gem, but it is so funny! I recommend y'all catching an episode and I know you're thinking what does this have to do with deer hunting but it will all become clear later. When its time for bed Josephine sets the alarm for me at 5:50am on a Saturday morning so I can go hunt, like I need an alarm I'll be awake all night worrying about it.
5:50am and you guessed it I'm awake before the alarm but surprisingly enough I did sleep. Josephine and I get up, I don't know why she's up because she's not going anywhere. I'm the one doing all the dirty work. When we head out it's black as two in the morning and we have to get to the hut (or as us hunters call it the hide). As soon as we get out the door there are wild animals right there in front of us! Three raccoons! For real! Right there! Mike scares them with the torch (now I know you Americans are thinking we have a big stick with a flame on it but no it was a flashlight) and then we have to go in the same direction as the wild animals went! I'm freaking out and I can't see two feet in front of me! Ok I can do this, deep breath. I forgot to say Mike is in full camouflage gear while I'm in a pair of 3/4 length jeans and Skechers. Anyway we get to the hut and climb inside. It's tiny with a wooden bench but I do get a cushion to sit on although with a butt the size of mine it feels like I'm sitting on a Kleenex. We settle in for the kill and Mike loads the gun. A .50 caliber rifle no less. Have you ever sat beside someone with a loaded gun before? Well let me tell you, I was following all the rules, I kept my eyes peeled and my mouth well and truly shut. In fact if truth be told I was scared to move a muscle! I just looked out the window and only talked when I was talked to in a very quiet whisper. Then to my left I spot a doe, a deer, a female deer (ok I know you're laughing at this. I was actually thinking this at the time.) I nudge Mike and I'm kinda proud of myself because I spotted it first but panicking that he will shoot it and I'll have to watch but no we don't shoot doe's only buck's. I did not know that thank god. Two more doe come along and head into our field then something gets their attention and it looks like they are staring right at me then they run off thank god. I feel like my mind melding with the deer worked "Run, flee for your life!" Now if I can keep this up I won't have to kill anything but Mike decides to bring out the big guns the, wait for it......"Buck Commander" from duck dynasty! For real! He bought one from that place in Louisiana. He starts blowing in it to get the bucks to come out but thankfully they don't and I'm so relieved I get to go back and still look tough in front of Josephine with bragging rights intact for a long time or until she grows a pair. We get back to the house and I'm so full of myself, bragging and laughing and giving Josephine such a hard time then Mike says
"So Izzi you want to go out again just before sunset?"
Me "Sure I'd love to" (fuck!)
Me "Hey Smug Git, you want to go?" (I was trying to get on his good side)
SG "No, no worries, you can go"
Me "Cool thanks" (fuck!)
Ok to cut a long story short I went back out, saw lots and lots of doe but once again no buck. My mind melding was still working.
I think Josephine was rather pissed off at me and decided to go out the next morning and what would you know. They did get a buck and Smug Git (Josephine no more) helped with all the dirty work that goes with killing animals. The stuff I don't want to know about when I'm tucking into a nice steak dinner.
What a nice weekend with at last something to write about.
I do want to remind y'all I am riding in the MS150 and if some of you could spare a few dollars to sponsor me it might help me get fired up about training so please give it some thought. Here is my link
Thanks for reading. Iz