Due to unforeseen circumstances I’m blogging about today. Last weeks blog while funny will have to wait till next week. During this week I was a bit worried that I would run out of things to blog about so when Smug Git asked me if I wanted to do a 25 mile training ride on Sunday, given that I had did 13 miles the weekend before and as I said I was worried I would have nothing to blog about I stupidly said yes sure!
So it’s Sunday morning and I’ve committed to ride the Elves and More 25 mile bike ride. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking she’ll never do that and I’m thinking the same thing too. This is the last thing I want to do.
F*@#ing stupid blog!
I had to miss a night out last night because I was so tired and was so worried about this. Anyway I’m lying in bed is 5:30am with butterflies, a dodgy tummy, a stiff neck and I feel sick. Who’s stupid idea was this?
Stupid Smug Git.
Stupid bike ride.
Stupid shiny bike.
Stupid F*@#ing blog.
Oh then I get up in the dark and stub my wee toe. arggh!
I look over at SG and I ask “what are you doing?”
SG “Looking at the weather”
Me “Do you have to ride in the rain?”
What! If there is a God up there please don’t make it rain. But you know Gods up there going ok lady I’ll give you something to blog about!
7:24am and I’m in the car. What the hell am I doing? God must have had a lie in this morning because sky is clear. She so missed her chance to rain on me ha! Thanks God.
We are just getting to the parking lot and there’s about 15 cars parked. What, I got out of bed for this. Are you kidding me? Wait that’s the church parking lot - we’re going to the high school. We get there and there’s about 100 cars there and eww! All the guys have their tops off. Why! Dear God why! Can I just say unless you have the perfect body there should be some kind of law against it! I look round and the man in the car next to me has his top off and is so hairy I immediately have an urge to throw him a banana.
WTF! Smug Git has his top off and women & small children are running around bumping into things their eyes are apparently burning. Seriously I feel like we have just driven into some parallel universe. It’s kind of scary.
All the women are supper skinny and fit looking. Oh, I hate these bitches AND they all have the gear on including fancy glasses with wee mirrors attached. I’m not quite sure what they are for except to make the bike rider look ridiculous. I like the glasses on the skinny women.
Apparently SG says women take their tops of at the end. Nice try fat boy.
Exciting news! You get a number to put on you back! Oh I’m so happy, I’m now number 1172. I feel like Lance Armstrong. Are there not any famous women cyclists? Y-izzi-y there is!!! ;)
The bike ride starts with no problems. We stop at 5 miles for a drink (water) then I get a wasp stuck in my helmet. Yup no joke. But I was ok it didn’t sting thankfully. The scenery was so pretty but no time to waste, onwards to first rest stop at 10 miles. Low and behold Santa was there. I’m thinking the Elves thing had something to do with that. I really need a Gatorade but the glasses are like thimbles seriously see picture I’m like “SG look at the size of the glasses” and he starts laughing. Well how was I supposed to know you filled your water bottle Smug Git. I thought we could stay as long as we wanted but we were the last to arrive and they were packing up so I drank my 2 thimbles and it was back on the bike.
Second rest stop was 20 miles no Santa but some very nice volunteers. Big shout out to the people who volunteer, you are all awesome! When I got off the bike here I was so so tired & shaky and I felt sick. I had a drink and something to eat then back on the bike. 5 miles to go but I guess they decided to save the biggest hill till last! There is no way I can get up that hill, not even half way I had to get off and walk up got to the top. When I got there I threw my shiny bike and new helmet down on the grass and wanted to throw up. Oh God I’m so sorry about all the jokes please just get me to the end of this, PLEASE I’ll never drink again please!
I can’t believe I have to get back on can I just walk the rest of the way SG “NO, it’s just right at the traffic lights”. Ok back on we turn right at the light and I can see the sign saying thank you and a truck of young boys come past and start cheering yeah you made it! And that was all I needed I find the last bit of energy I have left and get over the finish line and back to the car!!! Sorry God I had my fingers crossed.
I’ve just rode 25 miles.
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