Saturday, January 12, 2013

Peace perfect peace

I’m going to have a rant in this blog, now I know it’s probably not politically correct to blog about your children, well unless you’re talking about how wonderful they are or how they are in honor classes or in all Pre-AP or AP classes or are in fact top 10% of their class and god forbid they’d be less than top25%. I think in my neighborhood along with the ban on fireworks and the not allowed to let your cat out on its own if your children were less than top 25% you’d be breaking the deed restrictions and would be lowering the value of the house prices so therefore you would be asked to leave.  Thankfully we’ve kept our dirty little secret safe so far.  But I don’t care. I’ve been at home with my two children (well I say children but they are actually young adults) for two weeks and they are driving me crazy! Is it wrong to look forward to being an empty nester?

I know bringing up children is not easy and I can only speak for boys (and I can’t begin to understand how hard it must be bringing up girls). When you first bring them home it’s all lovely, then the sleepless nights start but every time you look at that wee face everything is ok with the world. Who cares about a few sleepless nights? Then there’s the terrible two’s, those cute little defiant faces telling you no and you have to try your best not to laugh after they’ve changed themselves into nothing but welly boots and a towel pegged round their neck when you’re in a hurry to get out it’s no biggie really, right? So ok fast forward 17 and 19 years later. Nothing is cute. And nothing, and I mean nothing is funny.

Let’s start with my youngest son, the 17 year old. He’s a gamer. If you have one of these you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. If not I’ll describe him for you so you’ll be able to recognize a gamer anywhere.  He’ll be the pasty faced kid with no color because he spends little to no time outside and will have no clue what the big yellow ball in the sky is.  He will have top of the range equipment like gamer boy, who I have to say, has built his own faster than light computer (ok does that count as bragging?) He has this fancy office chair that I’m sure is molded to his body, two monitors and an F-off keyboard and mouse but the pe esta resistance is the noise cancelling head phones. Unfortunately for us they don’t cancel the noise coming from his bed room just me shouting in at the top of my lungs when I need him. Now I could run up the stairs to get him but why would I do that when I can text him and apparently they don’t cancel out the small ping of a text they just cancel out me (funny that).

This past two weeks Gamer Boy has spent his time equally between gaming and sleeping with limited interruptions for eating and the occasional shower. GB plays online with the same kids all the time so I know those parents know what I’m talking about but I have to tell you about this one kid he plays with. His name is “Kyle”, we, being the good parents we are, have no idea what so ever who “Kyle” is only that GB has been playing on line with him for I would say close on 5 years. We have asked questions and of course given GB a hard time by telling him “you have no idea who this kid is, he could be a 40 year old guy with 5 kids” and all GB would say was he’s not and he has a really high voice (ok so that’s reassuring) Kyle does not live in this state so calm down all you good parents out there GB has never met him (because that would require leaving the house and that’s not happening any time soon) but we have a nick name for “Kyle” in our house and wait for it it’s………..Kyle the pedophile! Haha I know it’s not funny but really it is.

Now onto eldest son the 19 year old. Oh where to start! This is the first year Greek Adonis aka Stupid Son went off to college and I have to say it has been wonderful not to have him at home. Quiet, no drama but I do miss him or did miss him but he’s back.  He did come back for a week at Thanksgiving and it was so nice. He was lovely and considerate and easy to talk to. It was kind of like having someone else’s kid at your house so as you can imagine I was really looking forward to him coming home for a whole month at Christmas. Well two weeks in and eh not so much! All I hear is “What’s for breakfast?”, “What’s for lunch?”, “What’s for dinner?”  So then I stupidly offer up a choice

Me “Would you like cereal?”

Boys “No”

Me “Toast?”

Boys “No”

Me “Eggs?”

Boys “no”

And then it’s the same at lunch and dinner arrg!

“So what do you want?” “I don’t know” Ok shoot me now.   

So Greek Adonis has also brought his dog home remember the dog I did not want him to get? Now the dog is very well trained I’ll give him that but the wee shite (GA that is, not the dog) is never home so it’s left to me and Smug Git to look after the bloody dog. Well when I say me and Smug Git I really mean Smug Git. All I’ve done for the dog is throw it the odd carrot here and there (I think that counts as looking after him) it’s more than Greek Adonis has done and then he has the cheek to tell me I’m not looking after him right! WTF! Damn right I’m not, HE’S NOT MY DOG! (Oh big rant there) maybe if he was at home a bit more he could look after his own stupid dog but apparently being home for a month from school is the same as going on vacation! So far he has gone mountain biking, played several rounds of golf, gone out for lunch and dinner, numerous all night parties whilst living in the lap of luxury in an all-inclusive hotel with a laundry and pet sitting facility thrown in for free.  Come on now that’s funny I know I now sound like all your mothers right? Because I know I sound like mine. I never had it that good.

I can honestly say I can’t wait to get them back to school and me back to work and let me tell you something else when Gamer Boy leaves for college we are selling this house and leaving no forwarding address. See how they like that!

Rant over thanks for listening!

Love and Happy New Year to All.  Iz x

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