Sunday, December 4, 2011

Fat loser

Remember last week? My serious bit was to follow the weight watchers plan 100%. Well one week on and let me tell you how it all went.

Saturday after weight watchers I follow the plan and use up some but not all of my bonus points or roll over points. I don’t know, I’m not quite sure what they’re called. Anyway, I use some of them because well it is Saturday and if nothing else I need my gin and tonic fix. I can’t believe y’all want me to tell you what I ate all week so I’ll leave out the boring food intake stuff.

Sunday - 100% no probs. Well really its only day one it shouldn’t be that hard right?

Monday - 100% again easy till 9:44pm. How many times in one night does Top Gear (British car show) need to be on? Apparently 3 times because 2 times is just not enough! So then Smug Git is just looking at me I guess because I’m moaning about TOP GEAR!!!!

Me “Stop looking at me”

SG “Cat can look at the queen”

WTF does that mean? I’m going to bed! Because if I don’t I’ll need to throw another banana and hopefully I’ll hit him right between the eyes! Cat can look at the queen again WTF? And if any of you out there know the answer to that question please let me know. No really, let me know.

The rest of the week follows just the same. Honestly I follow the plan to the letter.
Friday night - I’m a bit worried since lately we have been going out for a drink after work but no not this week. I promised you guys I’d do this and so I go home and have dinner and I’m watching the clock till its 9:30 so I can go to bed. Friday without as much as a glass of wine is a poor excuse for a Friday I think. The last time I didn’t have at least a glass of wine on a Friday was about 16 years ago. Seriously!

Saturday Woo hoo! Big weigh in day I wake up really early. 1. Because I was in bed pretty much after my dinner and have slept for about 9 hours and 2. For the first time in forever I can’t wait to get on those scales. I know, can you believe I’m excited about that?

SG drives me to the meeting. Ok bear with me here I have to give credit where credit’s due. SG is super supportive and takes me there and waits in the car (love him really) ok enough of the mushy stuff back to business. Because this is where the fun begins. Word of warning now, if you by chance read this to your children to get them off to sleep at night I’d stop right here. There WILL be tears and bad, bad language and for most of you who know me, you’ll know I’m not a bad language kind of woman so consider yourselves forewarned.

I hand over my weight loss card to the leader who from now and ever after will be known as “Cow Face” I stand on the scales. I have butterflies in my belly and I’m so nervous. She looks at me with no expression on her face then looks at my weight then at my card. She does not tell me what I’ve lost or gained and says “so what have you done differently this week?”

Me “stuck to the plan 100%”

Cow Face “This is a significant weight loss”

Me “WHAT?”

Cow Face “11.2 pounds”

Me “Oh my god! Seriously I’m so, so happy! This is great! I’ve stuck to the plan 100%, this really does work”. The lady who also works there is really happy for me and tells me “Wow you’ll get an award for that!” Then Cow Face, who is looking at me like I’ve cheated or had bypass surgery and not told anyone, goes “No! Because she put on weight since the last time she was here” (about 7months ago). I’m gob smacked so I just take my seat and sit down. The meeting goes something like this, well truth be known, exactly like this. She’s talking about all the usual shite stuff and what you can do to help yourself over the holiday period. Me I’m quietly fuming in the back row. Then this fatty in the front row talks about how she went to the hibachi grill for lunch on Friday and realizes after she’s had lunch just how fattening the food was. DUH! Cow Face - wait for it - gives her a bravo sticker!

Wait… What the fuck! A sticker for realizing after lunch the food was fattening! Seriously! No shit Sherlock! WHERE”S MY STICKER?

Then a Skinny chick get a sticker for managing her work environment. What pray tell did she do? Well she didn’t go to the staffroom where they had cake, is it too late to shout out I did that this week? Ok, it was pizza, same thing.
The best is yet to come. Cow Face proceeds to tell the class that “Today we have 15 members weigh in and have lost a total of 29.2lbs” Everyone gives a wee clap. However, 29.2lbs OF WHICH 11.2 OF SAID POUNDS WERE MINE! But no, not a mention.

Where the FUCK is my sticker. Hello… Still here!

After the class is over I’m so having words with Cow Face. I go to her and I start telling her how disappointed I am and here is where it gets really ugly. My chin starts to do that quivery thing, you know when you’re trying hard not to cry and my voice goes all shaky. What the hell, I left my house a 47 year old obese (not for long) woman and I turn into a 6 year old girl crying over a bravo sticker. I’m telling her it’s not the sticker it’s the fact I worked my ass literally off and I got nothing. Then wait for it - She starts crying! Oh shit, I’ve just made the pregnant Cow Face cry (oh did I forget to mention she was pregers ops!) I didn’t want to make her cry, she made me cry!

I leave, get into the car and bawl my eyes out. SG is just looking at me and I can’t even tell him for sobbing. We go home and the boys are there Gus is just laughing which makes me laugh and Greek Adonis tells me “you should be grounded young lady for crying over a sticker go to your room” which makes me laugh even more then as he walks upstairs he calls back “well today you’re just a sad fat loser” Which is true, today I am a fat loser Yeah!

Serious bit:

Despite Cow Face I will stick to W/W 100% and go back next week and see what she has to say. Watch this space.

1 comment:

  1. Proud of you Izzy! Don't let them get you down!