Don't wear clothes that don't fit!

Friday night and it really has been the week from hell! It all started so well with the oh look at me I rode 25 miles and I stuck to my plan and I’ve lost weight (I’m beginning to think I should be called Smug Git… Never!) Then it went rapidly downhill from then on in.

Last Saturday we went out to our local wine bar (yes Lesley was there - it’s her fault really) we ordered some wine and I’m amazed at how quickly you can get drunk when you don’t eat and how cheap it is. I’ve now turned into a cheap date (SG is happy). Anyway a small virus on Sunday morning and we were hosting a football party. I don’t know about you lot but when I have a virus all I want to do is eat, oh and there’s nothing better than a wee margarita to help the pain. I want to say not in the morning of course but the game was on at 12 noon and I did have to make sure the drinks were up to par. I tried very hard not to eat so I only had:

½ a roll (bun)

1 sausage

2 BBQ ribs

A wee drop of chips and dip

Oh, and quite a big bit of buttermilk pie (I sound a bit like the very hungry caterpillar)

I’m not quite sure I should tell you what I had to drink….well, ok then a couple of margaritas and a couple of beers - 3 to be exact. Right I’ve said it now let’s not mention it again! And the Texans lost which was a real bummer. At least no more football parties till Super Bowl Sunday.

Holiday Monday I got straight back on the diet.

Tuesday got up for work and did what I always do get on the scales…………WTF! I kid you not 5lbs on!!! Jumped back off like my feet were on fire “that can’t be right”. Back on, 5 on. Back off and back on still 5 on. At this point I’m actually thinking about putting Phoebe on the scales to make sure they are correctly calibrated because I know how much she weighs but then I think no what if they’re right because right at this moment I’ve put on half a small poodle the last time I was this weight was at Christmas. Oh my god it’s Tuesday how the hell am I going to take all that off and how the hell did I put all that on! I want to get back in bed and pull the covers over and not move till that weight is off oh and I forgot to mention along with 5lbs (can’t help saying that) I look like Quasimodo’s wee sister, like I’ve had collagen implants that have gone horribly wrong. My lips are huge, swollen, blistery, sore and bloody ugly but there’s nothing else for it I have to go to work and stick to some sort of eating plan. The rest of the week is much the same as always except I’m scared to get on the scales. I’m not looking forward to weighing in on Saturday.

I’m not quite sure what planet Smug Git is on but I think he thinks I’m into biking he keeps taking to me about bike stuff, routes, time, miles and the spread sheet he has (quite sad really) and on Thursday he sent me an article he” thought I might like” seriously an article on women bike riders I never even looked at it. I was just going to delete it when I noticed it was an article written for woman bike riders in 1895, so of course I had to have a look. Well it had a list of don’ts for women so I thought each week I would share a few with you my lovely blog followers (feel free to comment)

• Don’t forget your tool bag. (that’s hard to do when he’s riding in front of you) Sorry SG

• Don’t boast of your long rides. (Oops! Sorry shan’t make that faux pas again. Wait! What about blogging?)

• Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit. (I think a good rule for all occasions)

There a some even better rules that I’ll post for the next few weeks. It was a funny article thanks SG I owe you one for the blog material (ok you lot get your minds out the gutter).

Saturday morning and I’m getting dressed, did I tell y’all I bought a pair of cycling shorts? Ha well I did now look at me all geared up! So I’m getting dressed and I think “what’s that noise?” and can you believe it? It’s bloody raining! I am terrified of the thought of riding in the rain but SG is trying to convince me that it won’t be raining when we get there, that’s good news because I’m not getting out the car if it is.

I have to go to weightwatchers before we ride so off I go to weigh in and guess who’s there? Yup you got it - Cow Face! I’m thinking shit I better not have put weight on she’ll love that, I get on the scales and wait for it… Tada - down 4! (Remember I did not weigh in the week before so 2 for last week and 2 this week).

Bloody bathroom scales!

Onwards to the bike ride I’m still worried about the rain but in an altogether better mood. The ride this week was in Hempstead north of where we live and just as we reach Kickapoo road (Yes, this is a real place, I love Texas!) the rain stops and I can see blue sky (thank god) but as we pull into the parking lot everyone I see looks freezing! How can they be cold it was 70⁰ when we left Houston. Well it was 54⁰ when I got out of the car in Hempstead and I’m wearing the lovely new shorts I bought. Now I don’t do cold so it’s going to be a looooong ride.

We are just about to start and SG is behind me so I have to go with another group. I’m right at the back of this group and as I’m about to set off I try to get onto my seat and the padded bit of the fucking new shorts catches on the seat so my arse is on show for all to see so I have to stop and shove my hand down the back of my shorts fix the padding and pull my knickers out my arse, get back on the bike and peddle as fast as I can and hope no one catches up with me. This could only happen to me! I totally get the 1895 rule now about don’t wear clothes that don’t fit!

The first half of the bike ride was really good I have been riding at around 15 miles an hour. I had given myself a goal of riding at 12 miles an hour this week because up to now I had been riding around 11. So far then I’m doing great but I know I can’t keep this pace up the whole time. We get to the rest stop and I’ve totally forgotten the butt incident and I’m ready to get going again and get this done. Unfortunately though now there is a head wind, I don’t really mind the wind but at some points I’m riding at 8 miles an hour! And if I thought it was cold at the start, well now it’s really cold. It took me about 2 hours to complete 26 miles and my average pace at the end was… 12.2!!

At this rate it will take me 8 hours to do the first day of the MS150. I’m not sure I can sit on that bike seat that long.

Serious Bit…

For all you dieters out there don’t let those bathroom scales get you down and try and have a goal. In the past that would have thrown me over the edge and right towards an eating binge but because I have this ride as a goal (I don’t have a weight goal) I just got right back on it and as I’ve said many a time if I can do this anyone can. Slow and steady wins the race!!