Look out Bradley Wiggins

I think you all know that I started a new job at the end of the summer and I’m working with 2 year olds.  Now if you would have asked me if I want to work with them say last year but really if you would have asked me ever to work with 2 year olds I would have laughed at you and said never!  You know what they say, never say never and here I am with the toddlers and more to the point, I love it! Some days I just laugh and laugh… Well, if I’m not gagging at the little snot sucker. So the other day in class I had on this blue top that I’ve worn tons of times at work, it’s not a low cut cleavage showing top and it’s not a polo neck. (turtle neck for my American friends) Say somewhere in between. Anyway every time I sat down these two little boys came over and wanted to sit on my lap and would then proceed to drive whatever vehicle they were playing with, be it a Hummer or a truck down my cleavage!  I’m not joking I ended up standing up for most of the day. Bloody children!

On Friday morning I woke up with that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach since I knew that my first bike ride of the season was fast approaching and I had not been out on the road since the MS150 in April. I have however been on the trainer pretty regularly but as I say not on the road. I was crapping myself I was so worried that I had to go for a quick choir practice after work. Just to calm the nerves you understand. That worked for a little while but I knew I couldn’t keep singing so after a couple of songs I thought an early night would be the best thing to do. 

Saturday morning and we were up bright and early and I was even more nervous. So much so I could hardly eat my breakfast (joking – I can always eat!) and that I think is where all my problems start.  I begin to doubt myself; Can I get out of the clips? Will I be able to ride 27 miles? What if I hate riding or what if it’s like those first few rides when I nearly kill myself? I’m so worried that I’m actually thinking about not going. You know when you really, really don’t want to do something (me, it’s usually flying) so you start to hope you get sick or worse one of the kids get sick (I know I’m a terrible mother)  then you have the perfect reason to not do it and everyone will understand? Well that’s the stage I’m at on Saturday morning but me being me I don’t like fear to beat me,  it was a very good cause and I did have sponsors,  so get a grip woman and get it done.

We get to the ride and the weather is so nice there are lots of people there or as Robert would say a saddle of saddos. Oh and some radio personalities although I’m not quite sure how you recognize someone from the radio, I was all kitted out and ready – well as ready as I’ll ever be – and, as always, just to add to the excitement (nerves) you have to wait till it’s your group to go, now I’m just bitching and moaning, I want to get going and I’m sure at this point Smug Git is wishing he could drive a truck right over me never mind down my cleavage! Then hooray they call our group and we set off, well let me tell you it was awesome. I loved every single minute of it, I’m actually excited as I write this! I don’t know what I was worried about it was like riding a bike (ok I’m sorry I could not resist that one) I felt like I was flying along those roads. We stopped at the first rest stop and I was enjoying it so much we rode right past the last rest stop. To be fair the ride was in Katy Texas which is as flat as a pancake but it felt so good to be back outside on my lovely shiny new bike (not so shiny now). Y’all know I’m not into stats but SG has just brought my stats for yesterday (along with a beer what a man) so I thought I would share them.  I rode an average of 12.7 mph and a maximum of 20.8 mph It took us 2 hours and 20 minutes and I cycled 29.46 miles I’m so excited I feel great about those stats and I can’t wait to get back out next Saturday.

Today I decided to go bike barn our local bike shop to spend a voucher I had and while I was there I got talking to the very serious bike guy remember last year he told me he did not think I was talking bike riding serious enough? Well wait till  tell you what he said to me today.

Serious guy “So how many miles are you riding at the weekends now”

Me “Did 29 yesterday” I have to say I think this is how Smug Git must feel all the time!

Serious guy “Wow! That's not too bad”

I have a big smug cheesy grin on my face anyway you know what it’s like when you have money you can never find anything you want and I needed to spend my voucher today so SG ended up with some new peddles, we are standing at the cash register and oh my god! I’m so excited, serious guy comes over and says to me (wait for it)…..”So I think you should ride with us on a Saturday morning at 7:15am”. Wait! Did he just ask me out on a date? Ha, ha, ha better that that I, me, yes I’m going to say it again he told me I could ride with bike barn! Ha, I’m so excited I could scream.  Does that make me a cyclist? Why yes I think it does! Will I go? Hmm maybe yes but not just yet. I’m not sure I’m ready for that right now but I will go soon (I promise).  

My plan for the week ahead is to get back on the bike in the mornings and perhaps venture out round the neighborhood and next weekend out somewhere for a long bike ride can’t wait.

Serious bit….

I’m not looking for money. (Not yet)

Thanks for reading see y’all next week.  Iz x 

There I Go Changing My Mind Again

First things first this was going to be my last blog (I know you’re all so sad) and I mean that sincerely, not sad as in losers, sad as in unhappy… oh never mind! Anyway I’d made up my mind.  How long can you read a blog about losing weight and getting fit when the blogger is not really doing either?

So y’all know I’ve been known to partake in a small adult beverage but only on high days and holidays (you do know I can write that with a straight face?) well as luck would have it one of those high days came up on Thursday evening.  My friend Amanda had some family over from Scotland and I jumped at the chance to go right over after work. I was really looking forward to seeing her brother Robert, his partner Dean, their friend Paul and cousin Mo. You know who you are folks - I’ve just changed your names to protect the innocent. And by the way Robert makes the best gin and tonics EVER!

Anyway I’m about half way down my first gin and we start talking about my blog. Robert tells me that he reads it every week, and I have to say he was a great supporter during my training. Then Paul say’s “oh aye, I read it too, I read it when I was in the Ukraine and one of their pals read it in Russia. Well you can imagine how happy I was. Then I told them the news that I was done.

Me “Well I really appreciate it but I’m not going to blog anymore”

Robert “What? Why?

Me “Who wants to read a blog about losing weight and getting fit if I’m a lazy fat shite?

Robert “I really like reading about all the everyday funny stuff”

Me “seriously?”

Robert “Yeah it’s really funny”

Me “Bloody hell, I was so sure it was all about me losing weight”

So that made me think maybe I’ll just keep blogging about my unsuccessful attempts to lose weight and get fit and just blog about all of the crazy stuff that happens in my life. Thanks Robert!

Having said all that remember when I lost 34 pounds? Well the summer holidays happened and I could feel myself putting it back on and I had this bag of fat clothes in my closet that I had not gotten round to taking to the charity shop.  One morning I was getting ready to go to work and all my work stuff was getting a tad tight and for a moment I thought about going into the fat bag and getting something to wear but thankfully I managed to squeeze myself into something. Pronto the bag was taken that day to the shop and then I went on to weight watchers. The news was not good. I want to lie to y’all and say I just put on a couple of pounds but the fat lady is back. Not as fat as she was, but back none the less. I am happy to say that I weighed in last night and lost 5lbs so woo-hoo for me and I am not drinking tonight so I can go ride my bike tomorrow.  

Are you all suitably impressed?

Ok so what happened funny this week? Well let me start by telling you I have this problem. When someone, anyone asks me to volunteer I always have this wee speech ready about how busy I am and I’d love too but no I can’t. So when someone asks it usually goes something like this:

Volunteer coordinator “Hey Izzi, would you like to help us out by signing on to be on our committee?”

Me “… … Yeah sure, what can I do?”

Every bloody time. I just can’t say no.

So you guessed it I’m, wait for it - the table organizer for a senior thing at high school.  We have our first night at selling tickets and as luck would have it we sell 12 tables. The cost of a table is $250 to $350 and my job is to bring all the cheques to my house, do some spread sheet thing and whatever. Anyway as I leave the sale I say “Ok, do not let me lose this folder”.  2 hours later I get a call from one of my friends and she says to me “Izzi - Just so you don’t worry we have the folder! You left it in a classroom at the school” Fuck!!! The one job I had was don’t lose the folder and of course I lost the folder with close to $3000 dollars in it! I think my days of being asked to volunteer are almost at an end! But wait, who finds the folder? Only the chairperson of the committee! What are the chances that it’s her that gets it? I have to then go over to her house and apologize profusely and she’s all laughing and saying “oh it’s fine don’t worry about it no problem” but I know she must be thinking stupid, stupid cow! Later I offer to resign my position but of course she will have none of it so needless to say I’m still on the committee still organizing tables but now they are mailing the cheques to me….Funny that!

Serious Bit…

On Saturday 22^nd September I will be riding in my first ride of the season. I am, believe it or not, really excited about it. I’m going to ride about 30 miles and to tell you the truth I have only rode my bike on the trainer over the summer so to say I’m nervous would be an understatement.  A huge thanks to all who have donated to this for me there is still time if you want to help but please keep in mind I will be hounding y’all for money for the 2013 MS150!

Here is the link if you do wish to donate :  https://donations.diabetes.org/site/Donation2?idb=815813241&df_id=9898&FR_ID=8067&PROXY_ID=7470896&PROXY_TYPE=20&9898.donation=form1

Dumb Ass Dog!

Anyway you know how last week I was all gung-ho about I’m starting my diet right now - at precisely 12:07 pm Sunday August 5^th 2012! Well if I told you that it did not quite go as planned would you all be surprised? Well I think I know enough of you who read this blog or even enough women and men who diet to know it would not really surprise you in the least.  What is it about dieting that’s so bloody hard? Sunday I’m super focused, I do brilliant then Monday comes along and again I’m going for it big time, counting my points, getting on the bike, I’m totally on a “I can do this” high then Tuesday rolls around and I’m out with my friend and diet cohort Amanda. We are going to have lunch together because this is my last day off for the summer before I go back to work, to give Amanda her dues she want to make us a lovely low fat lunch and my face is like thunder because before I meet her I know I want some Chinese food. So I talk her into it, well if truth be told I didn’t really need to talk her into anything, she was as game as I was. So it was off to the Chinese for us. Mistake number one.  You know what it’s like when you eat Chinese food you’re stuffed at the time but two hours later you’re starving again and you have to force yourself to stay away from the cookie jar (well I do) but happy to say I managed to stay on something that resembled a half decent eating plan.

At this point of writing - bear in mind I’m writing this on Saturday - my food escapades all seem a bit of a blur but I’m pretty sure I did in fact stick to my diet on Wednesday… I think. So I’m going to rush straight to Thursday. That was the day I started my new job, it was an in-service day with a fabulous lunch provided at one of my favorite local restaurants The Red Fish Grill. It wasn’t too bad, I had a nice salad (seriously I did!) then a couple of pieces of sushi, that’s not too bad right? Then some fish, vegetables and rice however it was followed by a lovely slice of carrot cake and before you say anything there’s carrots in it so it’s almost a vegetable! Now lunch on its own would not be too bad but, and here is the big but (literally big butt), in the evening I had to go shopping for Greek Adonis’ birthday presents, Smug Git and I went out to eat after we shopped. I really want to tell y’all that I had another salad but I had two beers, buffalo chicken and fries. What can I say - I’m on a diet? Who can resist fries when they’re on a diet? Please don’t judge me! I went to bed (after a couple of G&Ts) with the crazy notion that I would definitely start again tomorrow. Oh wait… its Greek Adonis’ birthday tomorrow. Shit! Maybe I should just start on Sunday again. I know I could try and start on Saturday but seriously that’s the day I get to eat!

Well as luck would have it on Friday, GA’s birthday, I woke feeling that even though we would all be going out to eat dinner that evening I would really try not to pig out, I have a very low fat breakfast of my delish egg white omelet and I packed a very healthy salad lunch now here is where the luck come in.  Normally I don’t consider my allergies a good thing but on Friday I had them big time don’t really know what was causing them but I could not breath through my nose at all (I know it’s gross) which leads to me not being able to taste or eat anything because thankfully if I have to choose between eating and breathing, believe it or not breathing wins every time. I still had it bad in the evening when we went out for dinner and once again I could not eat, Yeah for allergies!

Ok now I’m thinking I could patent a new diet aid - nose plugs! I bet there would be some idiots out there willing to buy a set….But wait message me in the next 5 minutes and you could receive an extra set absolutely free!

Y’all know I wrote everything before this paragraph on Saturday morning yeah? Well right now its 12:34am, I think its Sunday (tad few adult beverages) let me tell you what has happened in the last few hours. We had some friends over and SG made burgers and they were so good but this is all beside the point because after eating said burger I had a tiny bit stuck in my teeth I'm try to be very discrete and pick the burger out my tooth, as I’m doing that one of my veneers that I paid a fortune for pops off and I hear it fall on the floor, quick as a whip my stupid dumb ass dog gets to it before me and eats the damn veneer, what makes this worse and not funny at all is on Monday we have meet the teacher at my new job and I look like a bloody redneck (why does this only happen to me ?) What the hell am I going to do? I’m thinking this might at least help me on my diet as the tiny piece of tooth that remains is killing me and I can’t bite on anything to make things worse I also had to drink my wine with a straw! The next couple of days may have to be a liquid diet - and this time I don’t mean alcohol - though that would be funny me turning up on Monday with a massive hangover and a front missing tooth introducing myself to the parents in my class. I might not have a job on Tuesday!

Next week is back to work so I’m thinking that getting myself back into a routine will get me back on the straight and narrow.  Check back next week and see how it’s going.

Thanks for reading…..Iz  

When Yes means No and No means Maybe

This week on Thursday I went to see the orthopedic doctor so that he could go over the results of my MRI and as it said in the message I got before hand he confirmed I did have some arthritis in my hip but at the moment other than anti-inflammatories and to lose weight there was really nothing else he could do. And then he went on to say that he thought I would need a hip replacement sometime in the next 5 or 10 years! But y’all would have been proud of me I didn’t cry, I think I was in shock. He did tell me that I could still bike and if I lost more weight that it would help with the pain. Now for the good news - I can’t run (oh thank god for that I bloody hate running.)

I know it all seems a bit doom and gloom but it’s not… Well besides the fact that I’m still fat, still in pain and I’ve put on about 10 pounds over the summer holidays but I see a new challenge in my future. If I can’t do the half marathon, and I know I can’t, I’m going to challenge myself to losing the next fifty pounds to get me to my target by next Aprils MS150 that means my blog will go from learning to ride a bike to learning how to lose all of this weigh and keeping it off. I think that in itself for me is a huge challenge.  Now I would like to tell you I’ll start tomorrow but then I’d just go and pig out for the rest of the day and that would just get me 2 more pounds to take off so I’m going to start right now - at 12:07 pm Sunday August 5^th 2012 (there I’ve said it). Actually now is a good time since I’ve had a humungous breakfast a mere 2 hours ago which consisted of 2 slices of bacon (turkey much to the annoyance of the Greek Adonis), 1 fried egg, and 1½ potato scones (a Scottish delicacy) - all that on a bread roll topped off with a dollop of ketchup. Oh god when I write it all down like that I’m a real pig. I really shouldn’t need to eat for about a week never mind a couple of hours and when I think about it I’ve eaten like this for the last five week no wonder I’ve put about 10 pounds on. So from now on you will just have to listen to me moan and grump about losing weight. I promise I’ll try to keep it funny and I think I’ll add some recipes because I don’t know how funny I’ll be when I’m starving.

All I can think about now is what I’m going to have for dinner tonight.  Why is it when you say you’re on a diet all you think about is food? Do you think those Olympians are always on diets? I saw that commercial where they are all talking about how they got to their Olympic dreams.

“I have not eaten a dessert in over a year”

“That book everyone is talking about - I’ve not read it”

There you go that’s why I’m fat I’ve read the books and ate the desserts!

No, but seriously, what am I going to have for dinner tonight?

I’m off out now to take my mind off food. I’ll add a wee update when I get back and let you know how my first half day back on the diet has worked and I’ll let y’all know what I had for dinner.

Ok then that went better than expected I kept myself busy and did not eat anything till dinner and what did I have I hear you all say well I had a small steak, potatoes and broccoli mmm nice!  But what was hard was talking myself out of drinking anything with it.

Smug Git “you want anything to drink with dinner?”

Me “No” (that was very definite)

Me “well… maybe some wine”

Me “…. No”

Me “Oh what the hell I’ll have a beer” but I did only have one beer so that’s ok…..Right?

My plans for this week is workout every morning and follow my points plan…….Wish me luck! 

Thanks for reading I’m going to go back to writing every week because y’all keep me motivated and I have someone to answer to.

See y’all next week.  Iz

Run Izzi Run

I know I didn’t blog last week but to be perfectly honest my life is just not that exciting so I thought I’d give you all the 10 minutes it takes to read it back. I hope y’all put it to good use.  I think I thought I’d have tons to write about if I left it a week but as it turns out - NO! I’m still boring and I’m still fat.  However I do have some plans in mind to remedy that. The fat bit not the boring bit.  Well what do you know? Now that I’ve started writing think I have quite a wee bit to write now where to start?

I think I have to start with the Tour De France let’s get one thing straight I don’t watch sports except football and I only watch that because I can have a beer at noon on a Sunday, I especially don’t watch bike riding (seriously is that a sport or just a hobby?) I remember when I was maybe about 21 I came in from work one day and my brother was watching  TV - well I say watching TV but all that was on the screen was fuzzy nothing. So,  as you do, I started to change the channel. Well he flew out of the chair and went mental because apparently he was watching the Tour De France! The riders were at the top of a hill and he was watching through the fog! Seriously! Sorry I’m kind of rambling now but the Tour started this week and Smug Git is a biking fool so we have to watch it every night (beers only at the weekend L) this is not my favorite time of the year, well the first night I sat down and started to watch and the funniest thing happened - I liked it! It was kind of exciting then the next night I watched most of it but was a tad tired (that might have had more to do with the adult beverages) so I went to bed and missed the end the first thing I said to SG in the morning was “Who won yesterday’s stage?” I’m starting to freak myself out here. Oh and wait for it - I have a fantasy team – YizziY - too funny.

 

As most of you know I finished work this week and not just for the summer holidays! I decided way back at Easter that I could no longer keep my sanity if I continued to work there so Tuesday was my last day. I would like to say I had mixed emotions about leaving but I had just one, sheer delight! But the funniest thing that happened was on the last day. The crazy lady that I worked with gave me this huge list of jobs she needed done. No I’m not joking! I just laughed at her when she gave it to me, she had it done on fancy celebration paper and everything (ok what exactly was she smoking when she was writing that list?). So of course being the lovely person I am I did all the jobs. Ha! No I did not. I just left the classroom and when I returned there was no list in sight. She must have took it home with her because I could not find it anywhere, that would have been a great memento but alas no. However I did get a picture of it.

So now I’m looking for gainful employment but SG has other ideas. He tells me my new job is to lose the rest of my baby weight and, so what if my babies are 18 and 16, it’s time to shift those last few pounds (50 to be exact) and to get fit. Which brings me nicely to what my plans are next.

Next year before the MS150 I’m going to run the half marathon! I know can you believe it! Just like the bike I can’t run for toffee. At the moment I can maybe run between the lamp posts for about 1/2 mile at a push so I think this will be as big a challenge or possibly a bigger challenge than the MS150. But I know that you will all be behind me 100% with your words of encouragement (no sponsor money required for this) and maybe one or two of you could come training with me. Oh and any of you out there have some tips on how to run a half marathon I’ll be happy to take any or all advice you’re willing to share.

The other day I got back on the bike for a quick 10 miles. It felt good to be back on but the bad news is I now know it’s the bike that’s making my leg sore since I was in agony all that evening and the next day. So I think I will have to leave the bike until my leg is completely recovered. This week I will go to have my MRI with contrast.  For all you non-medical people like me it’s with some kind of dye to see if that shows anything up so fingers crossed. A quick update on the diet front, there has been no dieting for the past few weeks but that stops today and so far I’m back on my points plan.  The next few weeks will be a real challenge for me since I will be at home most of the day. Well at least the blogs should be interesting with my escapades of how to stay away from the fridge. As always I’ll keep y’all posted.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see y’all next week.  Iz 

What's up Doc?

You know what? I can honestly say I have no idea what to blog about today. I have a few things I could have a moan about but this week nothing funny happened. I guess I must be losing my sense of humor. So I’m thinking I’ll just tell you about my horrible week.

It starts off ok on Monday then comes Tuesday and that’s when it starts to go downhill. I have a physical therapy appointment on Tuesday evening and let me tell you I hate physical therapy. I’ve been going for the last 8 weeks for this bloody hip problem that so far is still not fixed. So the physio guy tells me the good news is that my hoo-ha is not broken. Ok, so he didn’t actually use the words “hoo-ha” and “broken” but there was nothing else he could do for me and that I should go see a hip specialist. So I get an appointment for the docs next day and I have to take the day off work (ok, that was not a bad thing - a wee day off work) Smug Git comes with me to the doctor because at this point I’m an emotional wreck. As soon as I see the doctor I dissolve into a bubbling snot nosed heap and can’t even talk to her Smug Git has to do all the talking and between the two of them I leave there with pain killers, anti-depressants and an appointment to see the hip specialist the next day, all in all I’d say it was a good day.

Thursday morning I decide to check out the hip specialist on line only to discover he’s a knee guy, I call the nurse and ask her if she has made the appointment for the right guy because he specializes in knee surgery and she turns into a stroppy cow. She obviously thinks I’m questioning her ability to book appointments (really that was what I was doing) so we had a wee bit of an argument with me telling her she was the rudest person I had ever had to deal with and she told me in a very sarcastic tone that “I hope it all works out for you”. Bloody cheeky cow!  I go back into work only to tell my boss I need the afternoon of to go see the hip guy. Oh and my boss is not a happy camper when I tell him.  He’s saying all the right things like “Well your health is what’s important” and “Don’t worry about work” but I can see he’s pissed.  It’s a good thing I’m leaving this job in two weeks or I’d be sacked. Either way I’m leaving so I don’t really care. I get to see the specialist that afternoon and what a palaver that is.  First I see Shaneequa (the nurse) and explain everything that’s been going on so she takes down some notes then this doctor comes in and – wow - he’s super handsome and I’m all giggly and he asks me all the same questions and takes some more notes. When he leaves Smug Git looks at me and says “You do know I’m sitting right here right?” Oh shut up! Then the hip guy comes in and you guessed it does the same! Seriously does no one speak to each other? I’m a tad fed up (oh and he was not nearly as handsome as the cute young doc) but I did manage to drop the old “I rode the MS150” speech into the conversation and it turns out so did he - but do you know what he says to me?

Doc “Did you finish it?”

Me “Every mile with no sag wagon!”

WTF!

No one ever asks SG did you finish? So because I’m a wee fat woman I can’t finish the stupid bike ride? Oh I was mad.  Then he starts asking me how my acetaminophen is working for me? My what? My pain meds apparently - Why does he not say that? How the hell would I know the names of what medication I’m taking? Who knows that stuff anyway? I just look at the label on the bottle and take it at the right time. Is that not what everyone does? Anyway to make a long story short I have to have another MRI, and right now I’m doped up to the eyeballs with drugs so if none of this blog makes any sense you’ll know the reason. 

I have to say Greek Adonis was hilarious. On Friday morning he was up and about at the same time as us and he asks me if I’m still on drugs I tell him yes and I must have been rubbing my arm or something and he says to SG “Hey dad, mum will be in the closet in a wee while stroking all the clothes saying “oh look the clothes are so soft”. Cheeky wee bugger!

On to the weekend. Very busy as usual but I’ve since discovered that drugs and alcohol don’t really mix but they did stop the hip pain!  So there will be no more drugs and drink for me - Well at least not together.  I forgot to mention the hip guy said I could and should get back on my bike so that’s one good thing that came out of the week from hell.

My apologies for this not being one of my funnier blogs, next week will hopefully be better.  Thanks for reading and I’ll see y’all next week.  Iz 

Can't see the Willie for the Cheese

Good morning all! Sunday morning and what can I say. I feel like I’ve gone back in time - BC (before cycling) when I wake on a Sunday morning a wee bit worse for wear because of the weekend (or week) I’ve just had. And I have to say great weekend and funny week but never the less, food and drink wise not good.

Well if you remember last week I had fallen off the wagon or rather jumped off.  At the beginning of this week I could see the wagon in the distance with one lone cowboy hobbling along and I knew a couple more days of good eating - and I was in fact back on the bike so 10 more miles on that bike and I would have caught up with that damn cowboy. But then Wednesday book club night happened and to make it worse Helena – You remember Helena? - She biked with me remember? She’s the one that got the flat tire and I left her because I didn’t want her to finish before me - That Helena. Well anyway, she was the host and she always makes fabulous food (no three bean salad in sight) the wine is always flowing and a dessert (tres leches cake) to die for.  So now can you see what I’m up against? That wagon is just rolling round the bend out of sight…

Anyway we all arrive at book club and are chatting away - Oh wait, I forgot to tell you the book we were reading, it will not come as a surprise to you - We read 50 Shades of Gray. Well it was decided early on that what happens at book club stays at book club and nothing would be put on Facebook (oh god I so want to call it The Facebook, that’s what my mother calls it “The Facebook” Argh! It annoys the crap out of me but now I want to say it all the time because it’s so funny.  More about my mother another time). However I don’t think any of the girlies said not to put it in my blog! I don’t think… Don’t worry ladies I’ll change your names to protect the innocent - right Helena? OMG but now they will all be so mad at me and I may not have a book club to go back to in August.  So I really had been very good on my diet up to this point and had rode 10 miles on the bike that day so I went along thinking “Well I can just eat a little bit”. Mistake number one, got there and had a couple glassed of some fruity little fizzy drink and it was all downhill from there. I had spotted the cheese table, my definite downfall, I take a look around the table and there is dried fruits and nuts, four or five different kinds of cheeses, olives, 3 different salami’s and a huge selection of crackers.  Well I’ve just died and gone to appetizer heaven oh where to start I think I’ll just start at one end and eat my way around the table and that’s exactly what I do! Delish! The other ladies head to the table in an orderly fashion with me taking up the rear (Ok minds out the gutter) for a second helping. I could not help myself it was sooo good.

While I’m at the cheese table for the second time,

 Helena is asking me “so Izzi what do you think of the table?”

Me, with a mouthful of cheese “it’s delicious, you have gone to a lot of bother”

Helena “Ok. Glad you like it”

So I look at her and she is laughing and I’m thinking cheeky bitch have I eaten too much? have I dropped something on my top? She looks at me, then looks at the table - and then I notice it….It’s a 6 inch glass sculpture of a Willie (Penis for my Americans friends) So I start to laugh so hard and I say to Helena “I’m so sorry, I could not see the ‘Willie for the cheese’!” And then we both are just howling with laughter.  The rest of the evening went along the same lines. So, so funny.

I would love to tell y’all about how the rest of book club went but as I said what happens in book club stays in book club. I will say they are all a great bunch of girls and there was much discussion and hilarity and lots more wine and food consumed and for me I would say a wee bit too much of everything  but then what would my blogs be like if I just wrote every week about how good I’d been and how much weight I’d lost (although the occasional pound of here or there would be nice) Dull.  Do I ever see myself fitting into those size 10 jeans? I do if I could only stop eating and drinking oh and I’ve just remembered it’s father’s day so more eating and drinking today but luckily Smug Git is not my father so I don’t need to do anything for him so an nice easy day for me!   Oh come on I’m joking I let him make a nice dinner and I might make a dessert there see I’m nice right?

Happy Father’s Day to all you great dads out there and for the shite dads get off your asses and take the kids out.

 

Thanks for reading, see y’all next week.  Iz 

Damn those Cowboys

I know what I want to tell you all this week but every time I talk about it I get so depressed and I’m not sure I want to go down that road this morning.  First things first this diet malarkey is driving me nuts and I think I have slipped off the wagon. Well slipped makes it sound so accidental. I think the rest of the cowboys have thrown me head first off the wagon and have left me lying in Indian territory face down in the dirt. As I get to my feet and look the wagon is way off in the distance and I can’t run fast enough to get back on. HELP! I need some words of encouragement from you people out there who read my blog. Leave me a comment in the comment section or leave one on Facebook.  But you have to do something, come on I’m dying out here. Oh and I think I’ve put on three pounds. Arrrgh!

Oh well here goes nothing.  As most of you who have been following my blog know that around January I hurt my leg. By the end of February I could not stand the pain anymore and went to the doctors. After many lotions, potions and pills which worked to no avail I then went for an x-ray and low and behold the x-ray found the beginning of arthritis! WTF! I’m only 47 but now I find myself watching all the commercials with cute couples going on bike rides (note to self-get a basket for your bike) who have arthritis but are leading pain free lives with the help of some wonder drug and all I have to do is ask my medical provider (drug dealer). I can do that I thought so off I go back to the drug dealer - oops! Sorry - doctor but she was from the old school “oh no I can’t just give you drugs, we need to send you to the orthopedic doctor”. So, after an MRI and another doctor with a “I’m not sure what is wrong with your leg but you don’t have arthritis (that’s a bonus) I can’t see anything wrong”.  So I tell him “but I’m in so much pain can I have some pain killers?” And I have to tell you he was certainly not a drug dealer. He gave me a very stern lecture about abusing prescription drugs so would not give me any pain killers. If this pain keeps up I’m seriously going to go out on the street and find me a dealer pronto.  But I will say he was happy to supply me with copious amounts of Ambian (apparently not habit forming… Well not if instead of taking them you drink gin, coz gin puts me right to sleep.)

Finally the doc agrees to physical therapy for me and I’m sure you all remember how that went - lots of tears and snot if I remember right. I start working with the PT and after two sessions I go back and I have a new PT. She is called Lilly and I am NOT happy - oh for fuck sake now I have to go over all this shit again. My face is like thunder and I’m answering her with one word answers pretty much like a spoiled 15 year old.  Then Lilly says

Lilly “Can you lie on the bed?”

Me, sullenly “Yup”

Lilly “I’m going to have to push on you pubic bone will that be ok?”

Me, still sullenly “Yup”

Lilly “It’s going to be very close to your private area”

Me “It’s fine” I’m thinking I don’t care where you push just get this pain away ya stupid tart!

Then Lilly pulls over this little foot stool (she is tiny) and now she is towering over me. She gets her two thumbs and places them on my pubic bone and presses with all her 100 pound frame and I almost hit the roof (she may have been getting her own back for me being a bitch) Oh my god the pain, she looks at me and says “I think I know what is wrong with you”

Me “you do?” (With a big smile on my face)

Lilly “Yes in fact I know what is wrong with you” (I think I might quite like lilly)

She takes me over to the skeleton and shows me the pubic bones and explains that mine are out of alignment along with my pelvis.

Ok what? And then it dawns on me…..Oh no no no! You have got to be kidding, my Hoo-Ha, Vajaja, Flower whatever the hell you like to call yours. Mine is BROKE!  And now to make matters worse I have a new PT (and he’s a guy)because Lilly is off on vacation. How selfish! I have a broken Hoo-Ha and she buggers off for a holiday. I’m gob smacked!  (Ok she’s back off the Christmas card list)

Tuesday comes along and I go meet my new PT he is very nice and checks Lilly’s diagnosis out and agrees with her so I start working with him and I now have to wear this stupid belt around my pelvis 23 hours a day and do lots of PT at home but I’m hoping that this might be me on the mend fingers crossed.

Back to the wagon I think I can see it in the distance so my promise to all of you out there who support me fat or thin that from today I will count my points all week and see if I can catch up with that wagon before next Saturdays weigh in.  And with my new dress accessory the hoo-ha belt I’m now able to exercise so back on the bike for me.

Thanks for reading. Love y’all iz x  

Do as I say not as I do

It’s Half term this week at school and it’s nice to be off. However I always have to schedule all my appointments and stuff so I don’t really feel like I’m having a break or rather a break from work but I sure as hell have been having a break from weight watchers! Isn’t that what always happens, you have your diet under control then the calendar has to throw a spanner in the works by way of a 3 day holiday weekend and I know we all start off so well, just eating a little but ending up as drunk as a skunk because you haven’t eaten enough.  On to the second party and I stuck to the salad and bean dish, you know that really healthy dish no one else has gone anywhere near because it’s sat in between the potato salad with boiled egg in it (everyone’s favorite) and the lovely yummy sticky homemade pork ribs so you know no one is reaching for lashings of butter and kidney bean salad right? Well that’s what I had at the second party however at the second party there was the biggest pavlova I have ever saw. It looked delicious but no, I shall not be tempted! I sat there for what felt like an eternity listening to everyone else oh-ing and ah-ing over the perfect dessert.  But when no one was looking I took a fork and just helped myself to a little nibble - no I’m just kidding - I got as much on that fork as I possibly could and shoved it right in my mouth. Thank god no one spoke to me because there would have been cream and meringue everywhere! I was almost going to go in for another bite but I thought if I used the same fork it might count as double dipping so I thought better of it. I did however go back later with a clean serving spoon (it holds so much more than a fork) Yumm!!! By the third party I had not an ounce of will power or self-control left so I just went ahead and ate and drank whatever I liked. Not to worry I’ll start on Tuesday oh wait I have a lunch date with some friends - I’ll start Wednesday.

Oh that reminds me I was going to tell y’all about my blind date a couple of week ago. Oh what a dilemma I have - I could tell you about the blind date OR I could tell you what happen with my sore leg? Decisions, decisions…….What way to go?

Ok blind date and if I have enough time I tell you about the leg. if not you’ll have to wait for that little chestnut next week and believe me it’s hilarious!

When I was training for the MS150 I received a friend request on Facebook. I looked at the name and I had no idea who this person was, so as every good mother tells their children “Don’t accept friends on Facebook if you don’t know the person”  I just went right ahead and accepted. In my defense I saw a picture and the word Scotland so that sealed the deal for me, anyway turns out she knows another friend of mine. The girl that friend requested me is Issi and she’s Scottish and she’s doing the MS150 AND she drives a Volkswagen beetle (bug for you Americans out there)!  I know, I can hear you all out there – “Wow you’ve friend requested yourself” (probably something I would do). No, it’s all true, or is it? Well we’ve started instant messaging and texting (yes we exchanged phone numbers, something else I tell my boys not to do.) but we can never quite get to meet up or to ride together but we decide on ride day we will meet at the end of the first day at La Grange. So I’m looking forward to it. If you know me well enough you know I’m a phone junky. I take it everywhere and I mean everywhere.  I even have the flashlight app to go to the toilet at night but at La Grange I didn’t get a call or a message from the elusive Issi.  Could this be someone playing a joke on me? Anyway I’m so tired I don’t think anything of it but then half way through the second day my phone pings and, what do you know, a message from Issi but she has just crossed the finish line (hmm how convenient I won’t get to see her today) oh well, never mind. I forgot to mention the one thing we don’t have in common is she is super fit.

A few days later I get an instant message from… you guessed it - Issi and she wanted to know If we could meet up somewhere for lunch.  Now all you mothers out there are screaming “DO NOT MEET UP!” because I know that’s what I’m screaming to the boys. But come on, it is lunch and y’all know how much I love my grub.  So we arranged to meet at Vintage Park a couple of weeks later for lunch.

The Friday night before my big blind date I was out with some friends at 1252 tapas bar (great place) and I was telling them all about my date the next day. Well they were horrified that I’d go. They had her as some kind of lesbian stalker but I have to say not one of them - and you all know who you are; Smug Git, Lesley, Roy, Cathy and Brendon - offered to come with me (or maybe they did… I ended up a tad tipsy)

The big day arrives and I get ready. Get my rollers in… Get the face on… I wear a nice pair of shorts and a nice top. I’m looking good! Then it dawns on me, I don’t even know what she looks like. I mean sure I’ve seen a picture but really, stalkers have never changed their profile pictures… Shit what if?... I get to the restaurant and walk inside, look around the place and I spot her right away. She even looks Scottish! I walk over, introduce myself and she is the nicest lady ever what a lovely lunch….I had you all going there for a minute didn’t I? She was a very lovely lady and we have arranged to meet again soon.

I think this particular blog has gone on long enough so you’ll just have to wait till next week to hear all about my physical therapy and let me tell you it will be well worth reading.  And for the few friends who know what’s going on mum’s the word (or for my American friends “Loose lips sink ships”)!

See Y’all next week Iz x 

Magic Elixir

On a Monday morning I feel like it’s always an uphill battle through the coming week trying to lose the weight that I’ve gained over the weekend. Every Monday the same thing and I know as I’ve been told often enough the definition of stupidity is to keep doing the same things and expect a different result. So you’d think by now I would do something different but no not me. Still pigging out and then dieting like a crazy woman through the week and what an eventful week it has been.  It started off just fine, diet going well. Then on Tuesday I found the magic potion to help you lose weight! 

Oh now, I bet I have all your attention right? Well as you all know, ok some of you know, I try not to eat carbs during the day and when I say carbs that’s code for bread. Bread is the wonder food, the food that if I had to choose one carbohydrate to eat for the rest of my life it would be bread. I love it toasted, baked, stuffed, deep fried, dipped it soup… Oh you get the picture I love it! Anyway back to the magic potion. At lunch time you take one activia yogurt any flavor and a fair amount of fresh fruit, any kind. I had melon, strawberry’s, raspberry’s and grapes. Now this is the most important bit of the potion - Do not, I repeat  do not stray too far away from a restroom. I’d recommend your own because when it’s time your backside will explode. I kid you not, you can weigh yourself after and you’ll be at least a pound lighter! Awesome!

On Wednesday thank god I did not have the magic potion for lunch because on Wednesday evening Lesley and I were coming home from work in rush hour traffic. We take our exit off the freeway which thankfully was quite quiet and I pull over to the far right lane, I put my foot on the clutch to change down from fifth to stop and nothing! The gear stick was just freely moving about in my hand! The gear box had gone - oh my god what am I going to do? I know I said it was quiet but not now, now I can see hundreds of irate car owners in my rear view mirror trying to get round me and then I see the police car.  Lesley got out and spoke to the officer meanwhile I’m still sitting in the car with one foot on the clutch and one foot on the brake because I know if I take my foot off the clutch the car will stall. So I call Smug Git and I’m screaming down the phone like an idiot and calmly in his best Smug Git voice he says “All you have to do is switch off the ignition and put on the hand brake” Fuck! Why did I not think of that? Smug bastard!

The police officer comes over to me asks me what seems to be the matter ma’am (no really he did say that) I explained with my fastest panicked Scottish accent all about the gear box after which he kind of dropped his head to the side and gave me a vacant expression. I realized he had no idea what I just said so I slowed down and told him all over again and he told me I would need to get a tow truck and asked me if I wanted him to get me one. I said yes and how long would it take to get a tow truck here? Then poof! He pointed right in front of me and there it was like a mirage right before my eyes all gleaming in the Texas sunshine, my knight in shining armor - Smug Git? No, the lovely tow truck driver. Who hooked up Poppy and took her to the shop.  So now you know why I was lucky I did not have the magic potion for lunch there would have been tears, snot and shit everywhere!

The rest of the week went ok no more dramas and on Friday I decided I would not do as I always do I’d try something different - like not pig out. So needless to say I was in bed by 9:00pm but it paid off I went to weight watchers and lost ½ a pound.  OK so here is where it gets really funny so I’m going to a birthday party that evening and I have to buy a gift. I go to the store and I think - I know I’ll get a nice little cute nightie. I find the cutest one and I think now that I’m no longer a 200 pound woman  I’m going to get one for me too so I pick up a large and head home.  Later when I’m getting ready to go out I think I’ll try the nightie on. I put it over my head and put one arm in. It feels a tad tight but I put the other arm in… Well when I say in I’ve got my right arm up in the air and the nightie is on just over my elbow and I’m stuck in that position - I swear to god I can’t get the stupid nightie off! By now the sweat is running down by back, my face is purple because I’m bent over trying to get it off with the hand that has the sleeve all the way on. Oh no I’m going to have to call Smug Git in to help me. This was supposed to be a surprise for him and believe me he’ll be surprised if he has to come help and sees me like this! I look like I’m trying to escape from a strait jacket, and then I hear a little pop! Oh shit! The stitching is coming away. Right, calm down. Deep breath. I try one more time and thankfully I get it off. I’m not kidding I look at it and think there must be a zipper or buttons that I’ve missed at the back but no there’s not I’m just still fat and I guess in lingerie I’m an extra-large!  

The nightie is now hanging up in the bathroom as a constant reminder and hopefully it will be the motivation to help me get into it with no help from others.  I’ll keep you posted on that.

Oh well there was so much drama I never even got to tell you about my blind date…Next week I promise.

Thanks for reading. Iz

The Liquid Diet

Well its blog 33 and I don’t really have a lot to blog about given that my leg injury is stopping me from doing any exercise and the MS150 is but a distant memory that on an occasion can still bring a wee smile to a sad lonely woman’s face. Oh bloody hell shut up and get on with it… Oh sorry right then. What to write until normal training services resume?

I will tell you about some of the stuff that has happened this week. I think I should start way back at last Friday morning so I go to weight watchers and weigh in and right before my eyes I look at the scales and what do I see - 199.00 lbs.! Hooray I’m no longer a 200 pound woman. I’m hi fiving people and smiling like a Cheshire cat. I’m happy, happy ,happy . I even call Smug Git up and shout down the phone ”Your wife is no longer a 200 lbs. woman!” Ok so I got a bit carried away after all I am only 199 still hang in there with me just give me my moment please because believe me a moment was all I had. After Weight Watchers  I then met the girls for lunch and after that it all goes downhill. However at the restaurant I was very good and righteous, giving out little tit bits of diet advice (oh look at me talking shite again). We eventually left the restaurant and I went back to Amanda’s for a few drinks.  4 hours later and 1 or 4 or 5 drinks later I have the munchies and I feel a binge coming on. I start with some Lays BBQ chips but very quickly they are grabbed away from me and some baby carrot are out in their place. What the hell just happened but you know what I don’t care. I’ll eat those carrots as long as I’m crunching something till dinner is ready I’m good.  And what pray tell was for dinner? What culinary delight had the lovely Amanda slaved over all day? Fish and chips! Oh I know, you are now all a little jealous aren’t you?   Well I wouldn’t be too jealous as it turns out it was more like fish and carbon as she burnt the chips. But I was so hungry I just put them between two slices of bread and smothered them in ketchup and viola saved the dinner yum! But after that I had eaten so much I had to go home and lie down.  When I got up the next morning my stomach still hurt I’m sure it was all the carrots I ate. I’m never eating them again.

Saturday morning I’ve decided not to weigh myself as I’m no longer a 200 pound woman so I don’t need to do that anymore (more like if I do weigh myself I’ll be more than a 200 pounder) so we are not going there.  I decide I’m going to have a good day and stick to my points. I have a very healthy 5 point breakfast and pat myself on the back.  Later in the morning I have to go run some errands and since I’m sticking to my points I think I should eat some lunch at home before we go out and save us from temptation - Amen.  It’s all working out perfectly till we go to wine styles and they offer us a taste of wine. Well you know it’s just plain rude to say no, so we enjoy the wine and decide that maybe we should just have one more glass but as luck would have it (bad luck)the computer system in the shop went down and the guy for some weird reason could not pull himself away from the computer to sell us wine so we left. Smug Git took one look at my face with its big petted lip on and suggested we go to Brix another nice wine bar close by, petted lip off, smile on, happy Izzi.  But wait disaster happened! We get to Brix and it’s bloody shut! What the hell kind of wine bar shuts on a Saturday afternoon? Is this a Texas law I don’t know about? Smug Git to the rescue though he rapidly grabs my hand walks me over to a vacant table in the tapas bar next door and gets me a drinks menu then proceeds to order me one dirty martini. What a nice man. The food menu was on the table so I thought I would have a wee look. What? I’m just looking I’m not ordering anything I’ve just had my healthy lunch oh but the menu looks good and tapas is just small portions what harm could it do if we just has a wee sample plate of cheese? I think that would be ok, I’ll count it in later. The waiter comes over and I’ll have another martini and a cheese plate and the shrimp in garlic and olive oil. Ok ok I know what you’re all thinking but olive oil is healthy. Well the food was delish! Ate every bit of it and then went off to the movies. Never really got any of the errands done but there’s always tomorrow! Later that evening what would you know I’m feeling a tad peckish again so what do we eat?  Burgers and chips followed by lashings of ice cream and chocolate. Day 2 of diet gone to hell. Oh god and I forgot tomorrow is mother’s day.

Mother’s day went off without a hitch. No sons to be seen all day and no messing up with the diet. The rest of the week went ok but I ended it with a weight gain although I’m not quite sure how much because I’ve not mustered up the courage to weigh myself so in my mind I’m still 199 pounds maybe I’ll just stay that weight forever.

Next week I’ll tell you all about my blind date!

50 Shades of Blushing

Week one without Shiny new bike who from this date on will now be known as 4647 (the MS150 bike number) because it can’t really be Shiny New Bike forever right? Well any way he has sat not so happily in the corner of the bed room looking longingly at me and I have not so much as looked in his direction, not even once! Oh ok maybe once or twice but I need to follow all the instructions that my shite physical therapist gave me coz how else I’m I going to get back on 4647. I have ran (bounced) in the pool, used shoulder weights every day and did all the stretching he told me to do. All of one stretch so I’m sure in no time I’ll be good to go? I also have been off work on the sick all week so the leg has been out of action (I’ll clarify that later). However during the week my boss called just to see how I was doing because he is very concerned about my wellbeing and not at all bothered about the lack of staff at work or the amount of cover that’s needed. But it was nice to hear from him. His parting words did make me smile though:

Boss “Hey I hope you don’t come back with a sun tan”

Me “Well my physio has been in the pool”

You know I’m just covering all my bases here and my leg has been up… Ha! up on a sun lounger outside.  What? Shut up! We live in Texas it’s medicinal as was the margaritas! Ok I’m joking about the margaritas but not the rest.  Let’s just say I have a healthy glow.

At the beginning of the week I had a conversation with the orthopedic doctors (Dr Blair) nurse oh she was mad at the physical therapist and called and scheduled 6 appointments for me but me being a bit of a scaredy cat I went to another place and the girl there was great. Lots of stretches and, and back on 4647 for 15 minutes before I stretch twice a day! Woo-hoo! Happy me!

So really that’s my week so here ends my blog.  Well y’all knew it would be dull for the next 6 week till my leg got better. 

But there was one thing I did this week that might interest at least some of you. The rest if you’re not dead can stop reading now.  It’s something very topical and no it’s not the breast feeding mother or Obama’s views on gay marriage they are topics for another time (gotcha) not.  I thought I would give you a wee book review on 50 Shades of Gray by E L James.

Oh where to start? Husbands if you have not bought this book for your wife you are crazy! Go out today and get it as a last minute Mother’s day gift and I know before you say it you’re not her mother give it from the lazy kid who’s too tired to move his ass and get her anything, you will thank yourself in about 2 days if she’s a slow reader or that evening if she reads fast! However she may have to reread a few pages again and again… oh yes, yes….oh… sorry, drifted away there… Back to 50 shades of blushing oh I mean gray.

The plot: Dashingly, hot, handsome, rich young man (husbands remember you’re not reading it just getting the benefit) and beautiful, naïve, just graduated college student… ok, so that really is where the plot ends.  But the book is so hot you will have to put it down to thank your husband for buying it for you and husbands this is where you get the pay back for going out shopping on mother’s day afternoon. 

Men out there you’re welcome! Enjoy

Serious bit…

Ladies if you don’t get this book go get it, its decedent hot fun! 

Farewell old Friend...Till the next time!

It is with great sadness I have to inform you all that, as from Thursday at 1:00pm central time, as the results of a leg injury and the fastest visit to the physical therapist ever I have to go cold turkey. Not from alcohol but from Shiny New (well maybe not so new now) Bike. He has been resigned to the great bike hooks in the garage.  After hours, no weeks, really months of loving that bike I have to hang him up. I feel he has been ripped away from me too soon.  But we did have some good times and some not so good, getting up at 5:00am in the Baltic cold Texas mornings, no alcohol, falling off on numerous occasions, very sore hoo-ha… Actually I don’t remember any good times! Ok well its good riddance to Shiny Bike!  So why am I so sad and depressed? Why does only gin and tequila help? I know the answer to that one - gin and tequila help everything duh!

It has been one of the longest weeks with this bloody leg by Thursday morning I was an emotional wreck I would love to tell you that I’m not eating or sleeping but while I’m not sleeping, the eating… well I think I’d have to pull a muscle in my jaw to stop me doing that even then I’m sure I’d find a way.  Sorry I digress where was I? Oh yes the not sleeping, I’m taking anti-inflammatory’s like they’re smarties, a sleeping pill which is getting me over to sleep but not keeping me asleep. Anyway Smug Git (I’m not sure if I can still call him SG after that lovely piece he wrote about me last week?) tells me I’ve not to go to work Thursday morning but of course I won’t listen to him. I go get Lesley and I’m not in the car 5 minutes and I’m crying like a big girls blouse.  She wants to turn the car round and take me home but no I’m still insisting I go to work. I get to work at about 7:45am meet Beth and start bubbling again. 20 minutes later SG is there and I’m on my way home! Why am I so pig headed? Please don’t all shout out at once.

As I said earlier I get an appointment to go see the physical therapist that day. At 1:00pm I’m in his office. For about 30 minutes he looks at my insurance and informs me that I can have 60 sessions of physio a year so I’m thinking “Yes! This is going to be sorted”, then he gives me the once over, announces it is a biking injury, shows me a couple of stretches, tells me to get off the bike for 6 weeks (oh did I forget to say 6 weeks earlier yeah I’m not off shiny bike forever it just feels like forever) and to do running in the pool and I’m good to go!

Wait what just happened there? That’s it? I’m done? No 60 sessions? No nice bedside manner? So as you can imagine I start crying all over again. He just looks at me like I’m some sort of crazy person, which at this point I feel like some kind of crazy person. I want to punch his face in but I just put on my sunglasses, pick up my handbag and sob all the way out of 24 hour fitness with all these fit sickening people just looking at the crying crazy lady leave. 

I get back home and I’m so mad I won’t answer the phone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. What the hell is running in the pool? Fat lot of good that will do - can you actually run in the pool? After about an hour of feeling sorry for myself and almost having a major binge I held it together and ate my salad and fruit. I thought I might try getting into the pool and doing the water running and truth be told it was ok. Plus Greek Adonis helped me out with some shoulder exercises with weights while I was running, well running is a bit of a stretch of the imagination, it was more like water bouncing. Not a pretty sight but as I said I did feel like I had a bit of a workout and I checked out the points value of running in the pool for 30 minutes and wait for it - you get 7 extra food points the same as riding on Shiny Bike yeah! Now I’m happy! Oh look at me talking about working out like I’m a pro ha! Changed days indeed.

Now what to do next? I don’t really think y’all want to read a blog every week if it’s just about my dull life so I was talking to my friend Kim after one margarita and a few tequila shots (they were for medicinal purposes) and she asked me to do the half marathon and I stupidly said yes! WTF was I thinking? But I can’t start training for 6 weeks till my leg is better so look out for the new running blog. Actually I’m more worried about this than I was riding 150 miles I seriously cannot run between lampposts but you know what,   I’m going to give it as much as I gave the MS150 and the best part is I’m not looking for any money!

I’ll still blog for the next few weeks since I really need your help with the old losing weight thing… Oh and a little update on that. I went back to weight watchers yesterday, I haven’t been there for 4 weeks since the ride and my parents were here, but I have not put on any weight, so still 34 off.  My plan for next week is to get in that pool every day and stick to the food plan 100% and hopefully it will be back to losing weight again.

Serious Bit…

This will probably be my last serious bit but I had to use this time to thank everyone for all the donations and the support I had before and especially during the ride to everyone who sent me texts and Facebook messages during the two days. They meant so much to me and helped me through the ride I could not have done it without you.

Thanks for reading see y’all next week love Iz x 

To Hell and Back

Its April 21, 2009 I’m standing in Austin Texas waiting for Smug Git and Gus the perfect son to come through the finish line of their first MS150, there are crowds of people everywhere clapping and cheering for their friends and family members as they cross the finish line.  Just then I see Gus and Smug Git and I’m so, so proud of them. It was at that point I said to myself I am going to do this one day. I will ride across that finish line on my bike but at that point it really was just a dream, a wish, a pie in the sky idea. 

Today April 29, 2012 I’m about to write my last MS150 blog and let you all know I did it! I rode every mile every hill and through that finish line in Austin and I have to tell you it was the best feeling!  But let me go back to the beginning.

Saturday April 21, 2012. The big day has finally arrived. I’ve done all the training I could possibly do, I have the bike, helmet, shorts, shoes, bandanas, food, water and sun cream.  Have I left anything out? Besides Smug git No I think I’m good to go.  So why do I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment I’m having a hard time talking, hell I’m actually having a pretty hard time breathing at this point. I’m struggling to keep it all together and get out the bathroom. Smug Git, Leanne and Amanda (who is driving us up to the start) are all waiting on me. OK, deep breath, wash my face and go out.

Leanne looks nervous but is holding it together. Smug Git is making the breakfast cool as a cucumber, well what do you expect he is Smug Git after all.  Amanda… Well, what can I say about Amanda? She on the other hand is beside herself with excitement cheering us all on, dancing and shouting “go izzi go” so then I start laughing but it’s that stupid nervous laugh and if I stop I’m liable to start crying again. Who’s bloody stupid idea was this?  I try my best to eat my breakfast of champions; bread roll, bacon (real British bacon not the fatty American stuff) and a fried egg. Delicious! However this morning I feel like I’m eating razor blades it doesn’t matter how much brown sauce I put on it it’s still hard to eat.  Ok I have had enough of this lets get going. We get everything in the car and head off.  Oh god I feel sick again, we head up to Waller, our starting point and to give Amanda her dues she has us all in stiches! Every time she passes a car with bikes on it she is screaming out the car window and waving like some kind of crazy person! The people in the other cars are just speeding away past her.  We get to our meeting point and all get out the car. Amanda, now known as “Crazy Camera Lady”, is at it again.  “Come on ladies are you not excited?’

Me “yes”

Crazy Camera Lady “Really? You could have fooled me”

Then she goes away to another group that has arrived and starts to take pictures of them.

To be fair I’m not sure I would have got on that bike if Amanda (Crazy Camera Lady) was not there to take my mind off of it. She was brill and has us laughing and singing and by the time we got on our bikes and left we were just glad to get rid of her (just kidding hon I love you, you kept me together, I owe you big time!).

Our little starting team

And we’re off! Austin here I come. If truth be told I have that funny feeling in my tummy as I’m writing this it’s kinda cool.  As you all know the Saturday was very windy but I was so excited at first I never even noticed it. I just got my head down and started cycling and before I knew it we were at the first rest stop and then lunch. Lunch was organized like a well-oiled machine, the food was great just what I needed and we got two Bluebell ice cream sandwiches (worth doing the ride just for that I think) then back on the bike.  I had just left the lunch break and was back on the road when over to my right I notice some blue and pink t-shirts shouting and screaming and it was my mum, Lesley and Roy McQuade! Oh my god I nearly fell off the bike. What a surprise, but me being me I was so shocked I did not even stop the bike I  just kept riding (seriously would Lance have stopped?) Which was probably a good thing I might have went back home with them. I was so happy to see them I think I may have peddled a wee bit faster after that… Well that would have been till the wind started blowing in my face and I was cycling up this one hill at 3mph. I could have got off and walked up faster only I could not clip out the bloody peddles.

A couple of rest stops later in a little town called Industry there they were again, can this get any better? Why yes it could I could actually get off at the rest stop and give them all a hug. NOW that was awesome. And just as we were about to leave Beth, my friend who has MS, was right there with her whole family; Billy, Charlotte, Kimberley, Andy and beautiful baby Bethany. You guys rock! I have the best family and friends it was so good to see them all. The ride to the next stop went by in a blur thanks to y’all.

By this point I was still feeling pretty good. We were coming up on a small town called Fayetteville, TX. Everyone who lived in the town was out on the streets, they had bubble machines, flags and bands playing. When you cycled passed they shouted out their thanks and offered you  food and drinks. It was amazing! If you ever get the chance to go out for a drive - go there its beautiful.  All along the route on Saturday there were sights to be seen like the guy who had his digger out on the side of the road with the bucket filled with ice and free beers or another guy offering free oranges or beer! That made me laugh who would possibly want an orange, really? I really wanted a beer but you know me I would not have got back on the bike.  We finally get to the second to last rest stop to the best news ever we only have 8 more miles of winds and the last 7 miles the wind will be at out back. With that being said we quickly did what we had to do I’ll leave the gross stuff out but will let my girls out there know the Hoo-Ha cream worked a treat and I may be able to find a few other uses for it off the bike (another blog another time). Right, back on the bikes and right enough the wind was bad. Smug Git did let me draft from him so that made it so much better for me then we turned the corner and as promised the wind was at our back and the last 7 miles was literally a breeze. We crossed the finish line at La Grange at around 4:30 there were hundreds of people there cheering us through I was so happy day one DONE!

Now off for a shower, food and an early night then I get to do it all again tomorrow. 

Sunday April 22, 2012, Day two. The lights go on in the tent at 6:00am and somewhere outside I can hear what sounds like a disco and I realize that it’s the organizers getting everyone up and ready for the day.  Well I am freezing and I don’t want to move from my sleeping bag. Everyone in the tent is busy getting organized packing up all their gear, moving their bikes god knows where but bikes are leaving the tents with guys in pj’s.  I just put my head back under the covers and wait till Smug Git says the magic words “breakfast is here”. Well I bounce out of that bag, ok, bounce not so much, hobble I’d say was a better verb. I get to the breakfast burritos and I’m not sure how many I can have but I take two and pretend to the people round me one is for Smug Git. I go back to my bed and Smug Git looks at my burritos and I’m like “Get your own!”. I scoff down my breakfast, I know what’s ahead of me today and I know what kind of food is at the rest stops and there are only so many pretzels and gummy bear’s one woman can eat. Oh and after the burritos I remember I made a PB&J sandwich last night and hid it in my bag to have later but fell asleep. I grab that out and start devouring that as well. I just swallow the last bit and then it hits me I’m going to have to use the big blue port-a-potty. Oh shit! Literally! Ok well I’ll just have to worry about that later.  I finally have to get ready to go.

Day 2 Starting Line - Holy Shit so many riders!

I get all my gear on and we head out to the start line. Now this is my least favorite place I’m so worried about the crowd’s and I kid you not there are thousands of riders. It looks spectacular but once again I’m a wreck.  We are heading up to take our turn to start and it’s time to go….. But I can’t get on the bike, I just can’t do it. Nothing I try works. I’m just about to have a complete melt down and I can’t find Smug Git to shout at him and then out of the crowd comes a ride marshal and he says to me “Ma-am do you need some help?”

Me “yes please”

He stops the ride and helps me on my bike and gives me a wee push off.  My Hero! And then I’m crying… Oh so this is how today is going to go I just know it.

There are thousands of riders so it was hard for me for the first five miles till we spread out a bit then I was able to do my own thing. We get to the second rest stop and there is this DJ and she is getting all the riders up to dance and give me a good song and I’ll dance anywhere. So a toilet break, something to eat and a line dance was all I needed to get me back on my way.  The only way I can get through this today is by resetting my bike computer to zero so I know how far it is to the next break and up to now it’s working well.  I always knew the second day would be the hardest day. It has all the hills and for me knowing I had to do it all again was a huge challenge but no matter what, I was going to do this. We got to the lunch break and all that breakfast had finally caught up with me but the lines for the toilets were crazy but what can you do? You just have to squeeze your butt cheeks together and wait in line with everyone else but ohhh the relief when I was done… Why, I think I can finish the ride now…

At lunch I met this fabulous older lady and while we chatted over lunch she told me how this ride would empower us women and that if we could do this we could do anything and that it would change our lives, and you know what I know she’s right I just wish I had got her name. Thanks lovely lady.

Woo-Hoo!

I think at this point we only have about 30 miles left but I am starting to struggle big time. Our next stop is about 12 miles away and I’m sure I will need a stop in between. We set off and as expected around 7 miles we break for about 10 minutes then on to the second last rest stop. Oh there was a woman there with a hose pipe and she was sprinkling riders with cold water as they walked passed. It was heaven, helmet off and face right in it. Oh my god how much did I need that? We are just getting ready to leave when this ass tells us just 8 miles to go oh and by the way it’s the toughest 8 miles of the ride I wanted to go over and punch his face in if I could actually have walked and threw a good punch I might have tried.  I told Smug Git I might have to do it in 2 mile increments and he said “Listen honey you do it whatever way you can” God I love that man! Ok here goes last 8 miles. In the distance all I can see are the ups and down of hills. We start on and I work as hard as I can. We stop after about 3 miles to change into our YizziY t-shirts. I am so exhausted I don’t even care about where I take of the old biking jersey I just pull it off and put on the new one then Smug Git tells me to hurry or something and I lose the plot with him and I’m calling him patronizing and other nice wife stuff then I look at him and he’s holding my bike, helmet and old sweaty t-shirt… Well, I’m sorry but I was mad. Ok this is it! Get me to the finish line I’ve had enough I’m done. I get back on and peddle my heart out then I can hear the music blaring. I turn the corner and I can hear the crowds cheering and I look up and I can see the words FINISH LINE I look to my left and the first face I see is Callum (Greek Adonis) then Gus (perfect son), my Mum, Amanda and Lesley are all there and a little ways up Alison and Iain.  I just did it I can’t quite believe it myself but I DID IT!

Woo-Hoo The End!

Not so Serious bit. Smug Git and his Sad Facts

First things first. You can't imagine how proud I am of Izzi, but before I talk about her achievements I would like to thank all the friends and family who supported us through this, especially those who came to Austin to cheer us through the finish line. I'd also like to call out Callum and Gus who are still suffering from Saturday morning abandonment issues!

So as I said you have no idea how proud I am of Izzi. Seeing her cross the finish line is something that I will remember for ever. Being with her through this is something that money could not buy, we spent some great mornings together, as Izzi has said before Texas is a beautiful place and there are very few things better than cycling through the hill country together... As you can imagine there were some challenging times as well, but working through those has brought us closer together and given us much to laugh about later (much, much later!)

When she first said that she was going to sign up for this, i must admit that I just ignored it. Another spur of the moment flippant comment which I thought would be forgotten by morning. One week later Izzi was watching over me as I signed up on the website. At that point I knew this was going to be an 'interesting' 6 months or so. As regular followers know I bought Izzi her first bike for her 30thbirthday, while it was used occasionally it spent more time gathering dust than it did out on the road. I tried to work out how many miles or how much time she had spent on a bike before we started this madness and honestly i don't think she had ridden more than 20 or 30 miles. So discounting that Izzi was a total novice coming into this.

It was a beautiful evening in October when we took the Shiny New Bike out and Izzi wobbled round the Hassler parking lot and we found that the parking lot was .2 of a mile round. 5 loops later and Izzi had ridden her first mile! Over the next few days and weeks Izzi would loop that parking lot 70 or so times before she gained enough confidence to go out in the neighborhood with the Don and I and she clocked up her first real ride; Just over 10 miles in a little over an hour. Steve passed on his wisdom by telling her that "It's all about the tits". Tits of course stands for Time In The Saddle (y'all can drag your minds out of the gutter now).

25 weeks later Izzi completed the MS150 and I am so proud of her. It was not an easy first day and being a novice makes those second day hills very very challenging. Honey – Well done! Seriously you are amazing!

Ok enough mush - So what about these stats I hear you ask! Well here we go...

Our MS150 ride was 141 miles which we completed with a ride time of 12hours. We averaged 11.5 mph, climbed 4379 feet and burned 6000calories (ish). A pretty damn respectable ride!

But how far did Izzi cycle since October?

She cycled over 1100 miles which works out to be Houston to Austin over 7 times, Houston to Denver once or for our British readers Land's End to John O'Groats 1.25 times or Glasgow to Balatonfured, Hungary (you gotta love Google :) and no I don't know where it is just look it up people)

Izzi, as you know, disliked hills however she did manage to climb over14,000 ft. Which works out to be almost 5 "Munroe's", or higher than Pike's Peak. I think you earned that pack of Tudor crisps honey!

Ok and what about the tits? well she managed 100 hours or just over 5 days in the saddle which brings tears to the eyes just thinking about it.

Oh and for all you calorie counters out there (and this is a real rough calculation) Izzi burned approximately 35,000 calories or about132 Milky Way bars (Mars bars for our UK friends)

Normal service will now resume and hopefully Izzi won't have lost too many readers after this drivel.

Yours, Smugly,

SG

Serious bit

Well, it’s Friday night and to say I’m excited would be an understatement! I’m beside myself! It has all come down to this. Whenever anyone has asked me today how I’m feeling I’ve said the same thing. “I’ve done all the training that I can and if I’m not ready now I never will be” so that being said fingers crossed and I’ll see what happens tomorrow.

I guess I can’t say much tonight so I’m going to save it all for next week but what I have done is ask Beth and Graham the two people Smug Git, Steve (the Don) and I are riding for to send me some information on how MS has affected their lives and you can see how far all your wonderful donations will go.
This is what Beth sent me.

Many thanks to Izzi, Iain and the thousands of cyclists taking part in the BP MS 150 next April.

I am touched by Izzi’s offer to do this long and grueling bike ride on my behalf. (I expect to be buying her ‘a drink’ for the rest of our lives!) For all of you who know Izzi, (or have been following her recent blog) you’ll understand what a great challenge this is for her.

I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in August 2004, whilst still living in Scotland. Scotland has one of the highest rates of MS ‘sufferers’ in the world.
I had been working full time as a Learning Support Assistant in my local secondary school when I was diagnosed. My original symptoms were drop-foot and numbness on the left side of my face and in my left hand.

For the medical professionals to diagnosis the condition of Multiple Sclerosis one has to have a MRI of the brain together with a Lumbar Puncture (Spinal Tap) and a ‘sit down’ with a Neurologist.

It is believed that my form of MS is Relapsing/Remitting MS.

Having moved to the US within a year of my diagnosis, I started interferon treatment in December 2006. This involves 3 injections a week as well as tablet form medication to help with my fatigue, bladder/bowel control and, at times, depression. Despite suffering from heat sensitivity, I love living in Texas and waking up to the sunshine almost every morning……..a very rare happening in Scotland!

MS presents itself in many different ways and it would seem, no two patients are the same! This is what makes treatment for the disease so difficult. I consider myself to be one of the fortunate ones as I am able to lead a fairly ‘normal’ life. Although I was once pretty athletic and took part in most sporting activities, I am now unable to do so. I am unable to run but can walk pretty quickly, if needed. My balance isn’t the best but as long as I ‘know my limits’ I can get about fairly easily. I am still able to support my Scottish and English football teams, (Glasgow) Rangers and Arsenal!

It is believed that there are 5 stages of Multiple Sclerosis:

Benign MS
Approximately, 20% of MS ‘sufferers’ have Benign MS. After one or two attacks with complete recovery and without any disability, this form or stage of MS does not worsen with time and there is no permanent disability or disease progression.

Relapsing/Remitting MS
Approximately, 25% of MS ‘sufferers’ have Relapsing/Remitting MS. In this form or stage of MS there are sporadic attacks (exacerbations, relapses), during which new symptoms appear and/or existing ones become more severe. They can last for varying periods (days or months) and are followed by partial or total recovery and remission.

Secondary/Progressive MS
Approximately, 40% of MS ‘sufferers’ have Secondary/Progressive MS. Individuals who initially had Relapsing MS (clear-cut attacks and remissions), over time (10 - 15 yrs) the disease pattern changes, evolving into the Progressive stage. Recovery from attacks become less and less complete, deficits increase and disability grows.

Primary/Progressive MS
Approximately, 12% of MS ‘sufferers’ have Primary/Progressive MS. This form of MS is characterized by a slow steady onset, usually beginning with walking difficulties; steadily worsening motor dysfunctions and increased disability, but with a total lack of distinct inflammatory attacks.

Progressive/Relapsing MS
Approximately, 3% of MS ‘sufferers’ have Progressive/Relapsing MS. This subtype of Progressive MS is more complex; although its overall course mirrors P/P MS in terms of disability, it differs. It includes periods of acute exacerbations that look like Relapsing MS either early on or after many years have elapsed, but lost functions never return.

Progressive/Relapsing is the most dreaded MS form; it was known as Marburg MS and demonstrates the need for protracted steroid therapy, with a high mortality rate.

JOIN THE MOVEMENT!
TOGETHER WE CAN MOVE TOWARD A WORLD FREE OF MS!
WE GAIN MOMENTUM WITH YOUR SUPPORT!
Thank you!


Here is an email we received from Grahams mum.

Dear Izzi and Iain,

I am writing to thank you very much indeed for once again supporting Graham in the MS Sponsored Cycle. Alison tells us that this year Iain is wearing a bandanna for Graham and it means so much to us all to have your support in America.

Graham was diagnosed with MS on 1 October 1998 and is now totally physically incapacitated. He has carers in 5 times a day and they are so good with him. He still has a very sharp mind and wicked sense of humour and remains remarkably cheerful which helps us all to cope.

We are so grateful to you and wish you both a successful, accident-free run. We shall be thinking of you. Have fun.

With love and thanks from Catherine and Adam xx

All that is left for me to say after that is night, night and tomorrow I will literally be riding my butt off (I hope). However knowing me I’ll be the only one who can ride 150 and gain 4 pounds.

And it’s still not too late if you want to donate.

Here is my link http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/izzi

Thanks for reading see y’all next week when you get to read all about it, can’t wait!… love Iz